He is
by Marilyn Lowell
Summary: He is a drum, stretched tight and painted red, emitting sharp and witty notes when struck right. She is an un-tuned piano, trying to play an old song that won't sound right. She is undone at the strings, He is fraying at the edges.
1. Chapter 1

The car rolls to a stop. My mom looks at me nervously.

"You know, Anna, you don't have to go to school this year. We could wait until you're ready-" I cut off my frantic mother

"Mom, I'm ready. the past is the past. There's nothing anyone can do. Now I'm gonna be late" I say and shoulder my army bag, a vintage rucksack hand me down from my grandfather, along with my soft leather bomber jacket.

"Alright, alright. Go get em!" She cheers and I try and hide my relife to get out of the car.

I hop out and find myself faced with my new prison. Sweet Amoris High school. I shudder at the prospect. Students mill around me. I'm even more scared than the districs freshman. 'At least they have familiar faces' I think enviously. A pair of scuffed sneakers pop into my staring contest with the cracked cement. I look up.

Kenith. My mind goes blank. 'No no no, this can not be happening' I think.

"Hey Anna!" he says around his mouth full of braces. I don't respond. 'It's alright, anna, hes not really there. You can't see him. Just turn around and pretend he means someone else' I think. I don't beleive it for a second.

"Isn't it great that I'm here?" he asks, I glare at him wordlessly.

"No, It isn't" I say truthfully and walk away before I can see the pain on his face. I walk into the school, the halls rampant with white noise of conversations and lockers slamming. I see the principle up ahead and unsure of where I should go I move to talk to her.

I approach and clear my throat. The plump, cheery woman looks up. "Ah, Analice, how nice to see you again. I'm sure this must all be overwhelming." She smiles, her voice wise and breezy. "Just a bit, Ma'am" I reply quietly. "Now about your enrollment form. There are some things missing, but I'm sure Nathaniel will help you smooth that out." she says.

"U-umm..Nathaniel, miss? I don't-" She knows what I'm about to say, "Of course you don't, silly me. He's In the student counsel room, to your right." She says and turns to a teacher on her left. I thank her and walk to the ubiquitous red door.

The room was white and cool, a circle of desks seemed hastily shoved together. I see the back of a blond, male student. Oh, good. "Hello, I'm looking for Nathaniel" I say quietly. The blonde boy jerks up clearly startled.

"He's me," The boy says and smiles brightly "What do you need?". His smile is endearing on his charming face, bright blue eyes focused on me.

"Oh, the principle said my enrollment form thing was missing something." I say and look down at my black sneakers, sure I'm blushing. He nods and shuffles a manila folder out of a large, teetering stack. It reminds me of a game of Jenga.

"Yes," he responds, "You're missing a photo ID, $25 dollar fee, and the actual paper form." He says. I Blank.

"But I checked everything, are you sure?" I ask nervously. I can feel my body go into worry mode. 'Calm down, Anna, It's just a school form, you can re-do it' I tell myself sharply in my head.

"I'll keep looking, but you should take care of the photo ID first" he says soothingly, his voice like aloe on my fraying nerves. The first day and I'm already coming undone. I shake out my long brown hair. "Thanks." I say and walk away

Outside in the hall I see Kenith and decide to make up for my words. "Hey, Ken. Do you know where I can get a Photo ID around here?" I ask sweetly. It's evident I'm forgiven, hes like putty in my hands... unfathomably. He nods vigourusly. "Yeah, the dollar shop down the street." I smile and thank him before ducking out into the court yard.

Sunshine blinds me for a split second before I adjust. My breath comes quick, anxiety filling me up like water in an elevator. "Calm down, calm down, calm down" I whisper over and over. "Last year isn't happening again, you've gotten better, you've proven that. Breath." Movement catches my eye. I look up from the lurching ground and see a student launch himself over the fence, his gate easy and slow. His head bobs up and down, presumably to music but I can't tell from this far. I don't know what to do so I hold my ground and dig my hand into my bomber jacket, hand clasping around my contraband box of smokes. I had told mom i quit, but who doesn't lie to their parents? However I don't take them out/

I look away as he gets closer, the build of his body very male. He looks over at me with mild curiosity.

"Who are you?" He asks, not unkindly. I look up. one ear bud hangs out of his ear. his pale skin is clear but almost sickly looking, tight across his high cheekbones. A smirk plays along his lips, His candy red hair hanging down in his dark eyes. He was the epitome of uncomfortable, being painfully tall and thin. He was the black dog in the dead of summer, a clear outsider in the school.

"A-Analice." I stutter shyly. His eyes narrow with thought. "Who are you?" I ask, really not looking for an answer.

"Castiel" He answers as simply. "What are you doing here?" He asks. I look around.

"Admiring the court yard?" I offer. My hand squeezes tighter around the box, threatening to burst it. He shrugs. "Kay then." And then he's gone. i shoulder my bag and go down the street.

"That was strange" I think to myself.


	2. A trio and a Musketter

My stomach grows tighter as I approach the store. I hated pictures, I hated the way they looked fake. I sigh 'We're past that, Anna' I remind my self and open the door. The shopkeeper looks up. He is an old man in a flowered Hawaii shirt. I smile warmly. "Hello." He says, "Are you yet another here for a photo ID? I thought it might be late, the first day of school and everything." He laughs to himself. His voice sounds like thunder but in a laughing sort of way.

"yes,"I reply simply "I need a picture." He points our a photo booth. I walk toward it. The machine is a monster, humming loudly and flickering. I take a breath and go inside it. I sit and enter the money, worried it might eat it. I'm relived when it doesn't. The things squawks gravelly, the speaker worn out and says something about holding still, which i have just enough time to do before a light blinds me. I stumble out and grab my picture.

"Thanks," I call. the store keeper nods. Once back to school I swiftly track down Nathaniel, once again in the student counsel room. It's like he never moves. "Hey, I got the picture and the money." I say. He looks up.

"Seems we can't find your enrollment form." he says. My heart stops. "Um...A-are you sure cause I could have sworn-" Nathaniel starts laughing. "Just joking,"He smiles "Yeah it was with some other papers." I sit discreetly in a chair. 'Just a joke' I think. "Haha..you had me there for a second." I say lamely. So not funny.

"So you're now a student of Sweet Amoris High School. How do you feel?" He asks, completely oblivious to my heart attack. "Um...like I need to get to class?" I say. He laughs again. Guess he does that easily. "Right, I'm pretty sure it's block 3, so that's Social Studies with . Room 54, down the green hallway." With that he turns back to his work. I get up and leave.

Out in the hall a group of girls are laughing quietly, exactly the type that has guys swooning with low cut shirts and style that far surpasses mine. One looks up. "Amber, look at her. Isn't she the cutest" The black hared one titters. The blonde looks up from her cell. "Well, I can honestly say we didn't get lucky with her." they laugh in unison. Oh, glory. I look down at myself, my olive green top and black skinnies, complete with my signature red hippy necklace.

"Woah, whats wrong with your eyes!" One, the brunette, asks like a kindergartner. I blush severely. My eyes were two different colors, and often were a point of self consciousness for me. "Wow, freak, something didn't go quiet right there did it?" Laughs Amber. I struggle to think of how to defend myself.

"You're one to talk," A voice says sarcastically. I look to the left and there is Castiel, his face closed and almost angry. He looked dangerous. "Back off, Amber." His dark eyes glint with an unspoken threat. She scoffs as if he doesn't scare her. It has to be a lie. "Oh, what are you gonna do, pretty boy? Cry all over me? Let's go girls. The freaks are damaging my hair." The trio swishes away. I'm rigid with fear till they go around the corner.

"Learn to defend yourself, Analice. You're gonna need it." He says quietly and is gone before I can thank him. I practically run to the class room, my heart going haywire. What in the world have I gotten myself into?


	3. La Casa De Castiel

**Castiel's POV**

**That Night!**

My ear drums buzz with vibrations. My skull candy headphones are secure as I stroke the guitar in my hands. The amp releases more notes. They sound like crap. I narrow my eyes. I blare on all the notes in frustration. A cacophony fills my ears. Wincing, I rip off the headphones and lay back on my bed, my guitar on my stomach.

My room was my sanctuary if covered in crap. Everything from sheet music to clothes to water bottles. The walls, once white, were spray painted mainly black with multicolored streaks. The rooms almost always smelled like cigarette smoke that wasn't mine. It didn't bother me, however.

I unplug the headphones from the amp and start the chord string to thunderstruck by AC/DC, focusing on moving my fingers rapidly. My finger slips and a string breaks, lashing me in the face, above my eyebrow. I curse and shove the guitar off me.

"Piece of crap" I mutter and grab a graffiti band-aid from my dresser. In my warped mirror I push my hair back from my face and put the bandage on my cut. I glance down at my blistered fingers. "That makes total sense," I growl "Cut my eye near open but a blister doesn't pop." I refrain from rolling my eyes. Bullet, my doberman, nuzzles into my room. He looks up at me with melancholy brown eyes. "yeah, yeah, I'm talking to myself. Wanna do something about it?" I sigh. Bullet sneezes. I flop onto my black leather couch, covered in neglected homework and guitar tabs. Bullet curls up beside me with a dog sigh. I absently scratch his ears.

Sometimes I wish I had my parents back home. Someone to care about my room being messy or my dog being on the couch. Someone to care about my homework and my grades. Someone to give me inspiration to write a song about hating parents. But I'm a man, I'm supposed to be able to handle being alone. Yeah, it was swell, skipping meals because I can't cook or there's no food. Staying up way to late then waking up the next morning feeling like you had a hangover. I look down at Bullet and ,not for the first time, Envy my dog for having someone take care of him.

'You've got the life, man, " I grumble. "All you do is sleep, eat, and walk around outside." he looks up at me and twitches his tail as if he knows I'm talking about him. I get up and head to the kitchen.

My parents made good money and our house showed it. The halls were all white with tall celeings and the walls were hung with tasteless and expensive paintings. Dead flowers sit on a table in front of a huge lattice window that dominated the wall facing the street. The window was flanked with bookcases. I grab the vase and continue down the slowly curving staircase. The bottom floor was completely wood save for the kitchen and living room. My bare feet slap against the wood as cold sinks into my heels. I hear clicking and know Bullet has followed me.

Large, pretentious doors lead to the parlor, living room, and spare room. I have to travel this hall to get to the kitchen shoved in the back corner of the house. Bullet sniffs every dust bunny (which are few) and every door, as if he hadn't his entire life. I turn into the kitchen, an ostentatious room that opened to our completely empty dining room.

The kitchen was a metallic gleam of black granite counter tops, stainless steel appliances, and glaringly white tile, which were a whole new world of cold on my bare feet. "Should have worn socks, dumbass" I mutter at myself. I pour the gray water of the flower vase down the drain then toss the rotting flowers. Dropping the vase on the counter I open the firdge. I don't know why I look, knowing nothing is in there that I want to eat. Bullet follows me, his brown eyes screaming "feed me something I'm not supposed to eat!" I throw him a piece of bacon. He nearly takes himself out on the Kitchen island as he scrambles after it.

I give up on my search for food and sit at the island, rolling a pen back and forth to keep my hands occupied. Something was bugging me. It had to be Amber. I mean, who isn't bugged by Amber. But I knew that wasn't the femme in question.

Analice. The new girl. The one with two different colored eyes, like her mind went liberal artist and was all can't pick one, let's go with both. She was weird. She acted like everyone was about to leap up and attack her. Real piece of work, not knowing how to defend herself against bullies. She had to of run into them sooner or later.

"Who cares, she's just some chick" I mutter. Bullet was asleep under my chair so I go back to my room, past the big doors and cold floors and fancy curved staircase. Past the tasteless, expensive art and once dead flowers. To my room, my sanctuary, my lonely and fucked up existance.

"I sound like a cheap romance novel." I groan and flop on my bed, deftly snapping my guitar neck in half.

FML


	4. Pictures

**Analice again**

"Alright, just start again. One two three, one two three" My aunt watches as my hands flounder on the keys letting out sound but no music. In my irascible mood I throw my hands down on the Piano as hard as possible screeching.

"It's not happening and I have school in like ten minuets. Tune the piano first, then teach me how to play." I grumble at her. She looks at me surprised.

"How did you know the piano is out of tune?" she asks me. I look at her like it's clear as day.

"The G minor key is off six decibels. It upsets the whole piano. Now can you drive me? Mom had to go to work early." I shrug and grab my backpack. Anyone could have heard that. She responds by jingling her keys, which rattle against a forming headache.

Ever since I was four I've been interested in pianos. How they work, to be specific. I've tried playing but it just never works out for me. However my aunt would not give up on my lost cause and currently I was annoyed to no end.

We descend the stone stairs of her cramped duplex on the outskirts of Amoris. She hummed an old Beatles song and meandered to her VW Mini bus. She was kinda a hippy. I speed past her and hop in the passenger seat, for some reason excited to get to school. She gets in the driver seat and has to start the car a couple of times. I look over at her and mumble "Sorry". She doesn't respond but I know she's heard.

The ride took forever and a day (In reality about the ten minuets I had before bell) so I quickly hop out and run to the entrance, flooding in with the last minuet stragglers.

The white halls gleamed at me. I move deftly among the students, having long ago perfected the "high school strut". Focusing on the task at hand I somehow manage to flat out mow down nathaniel and his paperwork of doom. Folders and fliers are scattered everywhere. I pick up a sheet. My heart stops.

My student ID photo, defaced and blown up was plastered on the sheets. I look up and see them on the walls and lockers, In hands, sticking out of backpacks. What?

Nathaniel looks over at me. "Analice? Sorry, didn't see you there-Are you OK?" He asks. My face gets hotter. I can feel their eyes looking at me sitting there on the ground. I struggle to get up. My heart is painfully thundering, my head is reeling. The halls around me swim in and out of focus. Air. I need air. I turn as fast as possible and dart back out of the school, positive the whispering is about me. It's all about me. They know, they just know. I don't stop until I reach the court yard and inevitably the bushes. My stomach swerves like a drunk driver but nothing comes up. Probably cause I haven't eaten

I sit down on the lurching ground. I know it was them. It was Amber and Co. It had to be. How did they get my picture? 'Well, Amber's brother is student body president how do you think they got your photo' My mind thinks. I don't want to believe it, he's too nice, too sweet to do that. He was as surprised as I was, wasn't he?

"Hey, Anna. Nice photo." Castiel calls. I look up. What in the world is he doing in a tree? I didn't care. My shy composure chokes me again and I feel like crying. I struggle to say something.

"Castiel, do you really want to talk to her now?" Nathaniel says. My head jerks up. He must have followed me. The boys were evident polar opposites and glaring furiously at each other.

"Piss off, pretty boy." Castiel barks and leaps from the tree. He walks into the building, presumably to class. Nathaiel waits till he's gone.

"I saw the photos." He says quietly. "You and everybody else in the school" I mutter quietly. "Is that why you ran off?" he asks densely. Inside my head I think sarcastically "nope, thought I'd get fit for track.". Instead I simply nod. He kneels down before me.

"I'm sorry about what happened to you? If you have any idea who did it, tell me and I can straighten it out." His face is earnest and open. I hold my suspicion to myself.

"But you...you can punish students?" I ask meekly, trying to keep my stomach inside me and my head from moving around. He laughs. "Not quiet," Nathaniel responds "But I can get a teacher to detain them." I smile at his kind gesture.

"I'll tell you if I come across something." I say and look down at my shoes. "Um...Nathaniel...you should probably get to class. I think I need a minuet" Nate blinks. "Yeah, come see me after school and I can help you if you miss anything in class." he exits back into the building. I sigh and hang my head.

"Way to go. Most awkward moment ever." I mutter and breath.


	5. Clubs are for People with lives

**Author note: I apoligize about Castiel's dog's name. It is not Bullet, It's Demon. I made up the name because I hadn't gotten far enough to find out his name**

**Castiel**

I strut into the school, my anger moving in me like snakes. Who was he to order me around? And act like he was all buddy buddy with Analice? not that I was jealous. But being friends with someone after knowing them for two days is a little rash. And she was sure as hell ready to knock me out of the tree. Maybe I shouldn't have said that...

I shake my head. I glower at the ground. Getting that picture had to be a horrible idea. Analice looked torn apart, ready to cry. And I was the jerk that did it. The one who got the pic and drew on it just for these bitches. All I get is 50 bucks. I facepalm then realize if anyone was watching me they'd think I was a lunatic.

body president storms past me, face set in a thoughtful way, a real man on a mission air about him. Pure jerkface. He really needs a punch to the face.

Amber comes up behind me. She puts her hands on my shoulders running them down my chest, growling in my ear. "Hey, sexy. Have you seen the Little Girl's face? She wooks a wittle sad. Thanks so much for you help". She smiles. I feel like throwing up. "So wanna bang after school? I know a wicked spot in the park, and know that someone ain't wearin' any panties." I pull away from her.

"Are you high?" I ask her, checking her eyes. No signs but that may just be that they hadn't shown up. "No, at least," Here she smiles "Not really. Want some?" She holds out weed and I look at the small pile of green in her hand. No. No, no, no. I look at her.

"You're sad." I hiss and blow on the pile, scattering the marijuana. Her hand strikes me and I nearly hit her back but decide ruining her high will cover my revenge. "Have fun, bitch" I laugh and walk away.

* * *

**Analice**

I think this was the first time I've been in a full class since i started here and you know what it is? Math. My worst subject. I come out with a migraine and detention. Apparently not understanding material was frowned upon in this establishment.

As I exit into the hallway, the princieple stops me. "Analice, do you have a moment?" She asks and I nod. "Good, would you care to join a club? Gardening and Basketball are open...consider it and tell Nathaniel." shes gone in a blink of an eye. I ponder it. I hated anything physical, due to lack of hand eye coordination and because I happened to overheat. I liked flowers though...but basketball...I think I'd like it actually. Dirt just...I don't know and I can switch anytime.

As I was thinking I walked to my next class and not really paying attention. I slam right into something warm and solid. I stumble backward and collect myself before looking up.

Dark eye look down at me with curiosity. Castiel. What a strange way to meet.

"Hi." I mutter. He looks like he was trying to remember something. I bet he was thinking of my pictured. Of course so was everyone else.

"Hello, Analice." He says. I look at him. "Do you know where the basketball club meets?" I ask him, wondering if he was in it. "Of course I do. I kinda belong to it." He rolls his eyes. Bingo, guys were predictable.

"Great, where?" I ask. "Why?" He asks, suddenly on the defensive. "Oh, the principle wants me to join a club and I was thinking about basketball." I dig my toes in my shoes holding my breath, my arms clasped around my binders.

"Great, we need more girls." was all he said and he walks away. people in Amoris were strange. Noone ever says goodbye.


	6. Beat, beat, down

**One week Later!**

**Analice**

I had joined the basketball club and was currently practicing in the gym. I was in our uniform, long red shorts and white jerseys, My last name printed on the back. I beat the orange ball against the ground, counting out beats, almost making a song. Beat three times, hold, ring the back board, beat three times, hold. My sneakers streak across the waxed floor, somehow finding balance.

I hear the backdoor open and I grab the ball. Peeking behind me I see Castiel. I grin and rainbow toss the ball. He grabs it and dribbles. "One on one, Anna?" He asks. I arch an eyebrow.

"Since when do you call me Anna?" I ask quietly. He shrugs. "I'll play." I laugh. He chest passes.

"You start." He says and gets in front of the hoop. I go to the center line. Beat three times, hold, scuff, dribble and move. Beat, beat, beat, shoop, shreik, bound, bound, shreik. I pay attention to the music this time not watching my feet or my opponet and suddenly he has the ball and is heading to center. I wake up and go after him. He turns suddenly and moves left. I slid right past him.

We play for half an hour before we both coincide defeat at a score of 6 to 4, Castiel being the winner. He smiles at me. "Alright, probie, you get to put the basket ball away. Go down the stairs and there's a rack on your right." I nod and head out of the gym. A solid red door is rusted and ajar. I swallow and push at it.

I am about to go down the stairs when I hear laughter. My stomach plummets.

"Well, aren't you just adorable? where'd ya get the shorts? Walmart?" Amber laughs. Her two friends giggle with her. I grip the shaky railing. "I bet Castiel is just bananas over you. That was some hard core flirting." The brunette prods.

"It's not like that." I interject. The girls visibly step back. "So you can speak. Good." The black haired on says. I ignore her. "I don't like Castiel like that. He doesn't care. We we're practicing." I defend myself. Even to me it sounded like pleading.

"Castiel doesn't care? He won't care a bit if you get hurt the day before the big game?" Amber says maliciously. "Wha-" Her sharp hands rip me from the railing. "Bye, loser." She hisses and jabs my shoulders with such force I'm tumbling backward, the basketball coming with me. A scream escapes my throat but I hurtle down the stone steps anyway, feet flying over my head, my joints and angles finding every corner of the stairs. Laughter follows my harsh decline. 'Im out by the time I reach the bottom.

* * *

**Nathaniel**

I'm on my daily rounds when I hear a scream. I turn and run, sure I heard it down the gym hallway. I hear laughter of my sister and her friends. This can't be good.

"Ta-ta, Analice." Amber laughs. I clench my fists.

"Amber!" I bark. She looks up fear in her eyes. "Run!" She shouts and takes off the opposite way. I'm stuck, do I go after Analice or Amber? I decide Analice was more important.

The door is pushed open, rust flakes on the ground. I can see blood dotting the steps halfway down. I run now taking the stairs two at a time. A soft moan at the bottom of the stairs slows my trek.

"Hello? Analice, are you ok?" I ask. I pull on the light, the blubs flickering half heartedly then lighting. I nearly step back. Blood ran down her face and she was holding her jaw in a way you do when it seriously hurts. Her ankle looked bruised and her knee was swollen.

"Do I look ok to you!" She whispers around a fat lip. I shake my head like a moron. "Help me up." She asks. I go over to her. "Are you sure-" She cuts me off. "Positive, just get over here and get me up, please, I feel pathetic on the ground." I sigh and try to hoist her to her feet as gently as possible. as soon as she stands on her left leg with her swollen knee and bruised ankle she cries out in pain and nearly falls back down. I catch her.

"Annalice I'm gonna have to carry you, there's no way you can walk." I say and without another thought through her into my arms bridal style. she whimpers in pain but the quietly sighs =, the pressure on her injured joint relived. "Oww.." She says softly. I walk slowly up the stairs.

To the nurse and away. Well, before Castiel showed up.


	7. Nurses and Pieces of mind

**Analice**

I am in Nathaniels arms and it felt as if I were laying on a cloud, warm and protected. That was probably my loss of blood talking. He tries to go slowly up the stairs but everytime he moves, it's a brick fallign on me. I felt like I was dying.

"Oh, you-ANALICE! What the fuck! What the hell happened!" I hear Castiel say. I turn my eyes up. He's at the top of the stairs, still in gym clothes. Nathaniel glowers.

"I could get you suspended! You're supposed to make sure this shit doesn't happen!" Nate yells. Castiel ignores him and jumps down the steps to talk to me.

"What happened, Anna?" He asks quietly. "Amber," My lungs yell at me, my rib cage forcing a cough as pain spasms my abdomen. "Pushed me down the stairs...I think I popped the ball, but I can pay for it..." I smile weakly at him, my head swimming. It felt like the pictures but this time not out of fear. He shakes his head. "You're a lunatic. Pretty boy, give me the girl and I'll bring her." The stares exchanged are icy, frigid even.

"No." Nate says solidly. I roll my eyes. Like hey I'm sitting here bleeding, my knees and ankle swelling with a frightening pace but that's ok, you guys just keep on arguing. "Guys, look love the fighting, but seriously I'd rather fix up my ankles." I mutter. Castiel nods. "Come on, pretty boy" He says and leads the way through the halls. I bounce slightly with Nate's gate, a rattling headache moving down my entire body.

I am inadvertently used to slam open a door and shoved into florescent lights. The nurse looked up. "Dear goodness! Put her on the bed and explain!" She said, getting down to business. That was who the nurse was, a blonde and charmingly plump woman with a kind smile and glittering brown eyes.

"Am-" Castile starts but Nathan cuts him off "Analice tripped down the stairs, she was distracted. I found her. She was putting the basketball away after practice." The blonde shoots daggers at Castiel. Did Nate really just do that? Cover up for his homicidal sister? I bite down on my tongue. He was so gonna be hearing my mind when I was able to stand. Castiel was uncharacteristically quiet. He only stared at my bed, anger in his eyes.

"Oh, goodness...well move, Castile, I can't get to her if you're blocking the way," The nurse tisked. Castiel for once didn't do anything about resisting the order and moved readily. The woman begins feeling my swollen ankle first. her fingers bring excrutiating pain. I resist crying out, not wanting to appear weak.

"Does that hurt, dear?" She asks. I can't hold back my sarcasm. "Nope, it tickles like crazy." I bite. I think Castiel chuckled but I couldn't tell. Nathaniel looked at me astonished. The nurse laughed a bit. "it feels sprained, so I need to know how bad. I'm going to squeeze your ankle,so bear with me" She says. Her hand clamps down on the joint and I let out a string of curse words. The nurse looks shocked. "Sorry, " I give her "I mean, ow, that hurts."

She moves on to my knee which is in worse shape. "Alright if your ankle was sprained this might be broken...nothing is protruding but again I need to feel it...no swearing" She says. my stomach feels queasy. "No promises." I say weakly. I might actually throw up on the woman...so attractive. She pokes my knee and each touch is a bolt of pain. I can feel my face go pale. Oh, lordy this might not be good.

"Both joints are sprained. Nate, wrap her ankle, you're certified. I have to call your mother. I have her number on file." I shut my eyes...My mom would kill me. Nate grabs some gauze from the counter and motions Castiel out of the way. He sits beside me and takes the ankle first. I wince when he grabs it. He begins wrapping. Castiel looks away. I watch him. Was he squeamish? Ironic, according to his fashion sense, which would point him as nerves of steel.

Nate gets to my ankle and tries to wrap it securely but he wrapped it to tight and as he pulls a sound of pain slips out. "Oww!" I shriek. Castiel glares at Nate. This was going to be a long day...


	8. Bitch hunting and Anna's Place

**Alright, I know updating is weird cause I can't get on everyday. Sorry I have a life and happen to share a computer at least till september. **

**Castiel**

Bitch hunting gave me the munchies. Naturally, I bought french fries from McDonald's.

I lean against a tall abandoned building, knowing this was where Amber showed up, desperate for anything. She was deaspreate for attention and I was gonna show her what was what with Analice.

"Aw...wook at wittle bad boy, awl by his wonsome. Need some company, sugar?" Amber asks from behind me. I keep my cool and feel like batman.

"You hurt Analice." I say evenly and don't turn to look at her. "You hurt her bad. She sprained her ankle horribly, Her knee's wrecked too. She can't play and that's tearing her up. What's worse is your phsyco brother covered your ass. On top of that, You crossed a god damn line." I throw the last sentence at her. All I recive is cold laughter.

"And she said you wouldn't care. Ah, It seems Mr. Castiel has fallen for ms. freaky eyed. What you see in her is beyond me." Amber scoffs and throws her hair back, shimmering in the moonlight.

"I wouldn't care?" I echo. No, Anna, I would care. You made us lose the game. But that wasn't why I cared...not at all. I dismiss the idea as crazy. I shake my head and offer Amber a glare.

"You're sadistic." I face her now "Don't go anywhere near her again. I don't like her like that but hurt her again and I'll end you." Here I make my leave.

"Is that a threat?" Amber calls after me.

"A promise"

* * *

**Analice**

"Kyle! Put Clara's toy down, now!" I yell at my younger brother. My 8 year old brother screams down the hall holding his 5 year old sisters barbie.

"G.I. Joe needs to save the damsel!" He screams at me as I hobble over on my crutches. "G.I. Joe can play with Sarah's polly pockets." I say sweetly. "Please give clara's doll back." My blond 14 year old sister looks up sharply. "He is not touching my Polly Pocket dolls." She throws at us. I wince.

"Sarah, when was the last time you played with those things?" I ask and sit at a rolly chair, My arms hurting from the crutches. "A while ago, but the point is they're mine. So keep your sticky little fingers off of them!" She yelled at kyle. "Fine!" He yells back. A glaring contest begins.

It was a normal wednsday night at my house. I was on babysitter duty because my mom worked late at the hospital. My younger siblings were running amuck and my older brother was nowhere to be seen. Not that it was a bad thing noone had seen Jacob. He wasn't a big help anyway. All he did was eat mom's food and spend mom's money. At least I worked. I roll my eyes at my own negativity. I shouldn't think badly about my brother I know but I couldn't help it.

I sigh. "Sarah don't be difficult." My joints began to throb with the stress. My mom had flipped when I came home on crutches and I got special treatment. I hated being doetted over and kept yelling at myself about the expenses of the doctors visits. She looks at me with her gray eyes and shrugs, but I know it's her way of apologizing. "Whatever." she mutters.

Clara walks into the room sniffling. "A-Anna...Did you g-get my toy b-back?" She stutters teary eyed. I shot a mom glare at Kyle. He walks over to his younger sister. "Hey, Clara, I'm sorry I took your barbie without asking. Do you want to play with me?" It was a precious scene, the two blonde kids looking at each other and not plotting the others death.

"Sure!" The young girl cries and smiles a gap toothed smile. It's returned and the two promptly run off to their rooms. I sigh. "Isn't it just adorable when they get along?" I ask as if Sarah was listening. "You sound like a mom." She rolls her eyes. I stick my tongue out at her and we laugh.

"Alright, I'll go make dinner. It's Mac and Cheese! yay..." I pantomime throwing up and Sarah laughs. She quickly regains her I'm-better-than-you composure. "Just don't burn down the house. I will lose both my writing and my pointe shoes." Sarah was very protective over her "two loves" She was a ballerina and a wanna-be author. It wasn't a far cry from the rest of our artistic family. Jacob could draw fantastically and Clara had the best five year old singing voice I've ever heard.

I hobble down to the stairs and look down them. A fair deadly pass when your feet were perfectly fine, Hell when you're on crutches. I sigh and hop down slowly, leaning heavily on the weak rail. I lived in an old, creepy house, the paint on the wood siding molded and chipping. The lights were fritzy and it was good day when it took less than ten minuets for the shower to heat up. The house was gaping and sunken, but kind of beautiful in it's decay. I still hated it for all it's worth but It was poetic. Ya know with wall paper drooping, some of it duct taped to the wall.

I get to the bottom mainly unharmed, but it was hard navigating the bottom floors uneven ground. I make it to the kitchen, which was always cold because of the warped door and small crack in the window. I open our pantry and pull out a box of kraft mac and cheese. I go through the motions of cooking my mind on last weeks game. It wasn't even close. Our score was down 34 to nothing. I watched in horror after player after player was fouled or fallen. It was a scary game. I almost wish I hadn't gone. But watching Castiel run down the court, the determination glittering in his eyes made it almost alright to watch. At least one player cared. The rest gave up after first quarter.

I blink out of my day dream when I notice steam rising from the pot. I throw in the pasta and cheese mix. The kid's began traveling down stairs, their stomachs empty. I smile at them.

"Dinner!" I called out.

And the wild things roared their terrible roars and Gnashed their terrible teeth and begged to be served first.


	9. Falling again

**Analice**

School the next week was a blur of break neck speed and trying to get the hell out of Amber's way. People looked at me funny but noone said anything. Good, I didn't have to answer awkward questions.

Castiel and I hung out after school since I couldn't go to basketball. He never really went to the club any way. We just talked. It was an uncomplicated relationship. Music and snacks and jokes. Nathaniel avoided me since I'd been shoved down the stairs. Maybe he could tell that I really wanted to tell him off like nobodies buisness. He was certainly something.

Today was like every other day. I glide through English and crash land into math, just barely muddleing through. and by barely I mean failing but keeping my grade above the single digits. Then I'm released to the fickle arms of science and the unforgiving cruelty of gym. Im thankful for the end of the school day. I climb up the stairs to the front of the school and lean back, letting the sun hit my shoulders and face, letting my hair hang loose and low.

"Hey, sunshine. Enjoying the light you so rarely see?" Castiel jokes from above me. I lurch up. "Give me a heart attack!" I accuse lightheartedly. "And no, I see the sun much more often than you." I mutter. He laughs at me. "That could be true." He dumps down next to me, red, torn up backpack in hand. He pulls out his ipod and I push his hand away.

"Uh-uh. It's my turn today, we agreed." I raised an eyebrow. He rolls his eyes. "Fine, Lay the hippy music on me!" he scoffs and lays back on the steps. I huff out a breath mockingly. "It's not hippy music!" I argue. He shrugs. "Same difference". I look at him about to preach about musical enlightenment when I see Nate walking our way. This would not be good.

"What, cat got your tongue?" Castiel follows my line of sight and see Nathaniel. "Or, you know, jerk face extraordinaire works too." The student body president finally gets within ear shot. "Hey." He calls up. I pull up my crutches and balance on the slim step. "What do you want!" I bark at him. He winces slightly. "To apoligize for my sister's behavior-" "That she feels not one ounce of regret for" Castile mutters. "It was out of line and-" I stop him there. "Look, Nate, Your sister nearly broke my knees. And then you covered up for her. I'm not gonna take this shit." Castiel laughs under his breath, clearly amazed with my new angry self. "And if you for a second believe I'm gonna take this apology you are so-" My crutch slipped and I find myself about to go forwards down yet another flight of stairs when strong arms are around my waist.

I look up into Castiel's face as he glares at nate, not missing a beat. "Point is fuck off." He says dissmissivley and sets my down on the stairs before getting my crutch. Nate glares silently at us both then throws his hands in the air and walks off.

"Can't stand him. He's such a hypocrite." My tall friend mutters and sits beside me. "Thanks for the superman catch there. That would have just been so ironic I would have burst into flames." I joke.

Was it weird that his arms around me felt amazing?


	10. Who's Lover boy?

**I'm really sorry about the super short chapter, It looked longer when I typed it...**

* * *

**Castiel**

**that night.**

More time to think and mope and be alone. Great. I trudge my way up to my room and immediately turn on my radio. i don't really listen but it's sound. I drop my backpack on the ground and open it up. Analice got me in the annoying habit of doing a portion of my homework from time to time to maintain my half ass passing grade. Well, I have to read four chapters of this book for english, do some work pages for math, and analyze explosion patterns for science. I shrug. Nothing interesting and flop back on my bad. I acknowledge this a very dangerous habit and resulted in the death of my guitar.

This afternoon was great. I don't know why really. I just chatted with Analice like always, though Nathaniel showed up. Maybe it was because I went all superman and saved her from falling yet again. After he left we just carried on. Her music choice wasn't exactly stellar. But why was it stuck in my head? I think it was her eyes. Her two colored eyes looking at me like I just sprouted wings and said I was an angel. It was weird. It was new. It was...different.

Things were changing in Amoris. Wether it was for good was the question.

* * *

**Analice**

I sit on my bed and write. I can see these characters moving in my head. I wasn't the author or the artist. I was the weird visionary in my family. I can hear far off cries and shouts of my family but know it's under control.

Unwillingly my mind goes over this afternoon. We made jokes about my unhealthy obbsession with indie music and Legend of Korra. We ate chips from Castiels bag of mystery. And we dealt with one of the biggest jerks on campus. I can remember my anger like a wave, and then tipping scarily over the edge. I knew I was going to fall. And it was gonna hurt. More importantly it was gonna cost money we didn't have. And then there was Castiel with his arms around me. My stomach flutters as I think about it and I blush. It was stupid but It felt so safe.

I turn and stare at my celing. I grimace. I couldn't have this infatuation. It was dangerous and unrequited. It was unnecessary. I couldn't deal with it but I knew it was there lurking like a shadow at the back of mind and I hated it. Love was the trigger for stress about everything. My heart picks up speed as my worry starts to swell and consume me. I shut my eyes tight and hold my breath yelling at myself to calm down. This wasn't going to happen.

My door swings open. Sarah burst in and crosses her arms. I look up at her.

"What?" I ask. She glares at me. "You suck. You know that? You suck alot." She throws at me. I prop myself up. "What the heck?" I ask.

"Your boy toy is the freakiest guy on the planet and my best friends older sisters cousin saw you guys cuddling on the stairs and now my best friend thinks I'm creepy!" She yells and huffs down in my chair. I shut my eyes.

"Sarah, we weren't cuddling. He was saving me from falling because of my lack of balance. We hang out on the stairs. It also shouldn't matter. If she's your best friend she shouldn't care what your older sister is doing. Besides Castiel isn't creepy. He's just...not what you expect." I sigh. Even I can hear the schoolgirl crush in my voice. this was bad.

"Really? Because you certainly sound like you were cuddling. All wistful and stuff. Are you sure?" She asks on the edge of my seat her eyes lit up that way when you hear a romantic story. I glare at her. "Get out. I'm busy" I say. She sighs. "Fine but keep me posted." And she waltzes out of my room. "It's my love life!" I shout after her.

"What's your love life?" My mom asks apperating at my door frame, holding a basket of laundry. My mom was perpetually tired and had a strain to her face that never really went away but she smiled through it. "Oh ummm...nothing. Sit down, you look exhausted." I say and get up. I sit her down in the arm chair that used to belong to my aunt. She was still in her maroon hospital scrubs. I smile at her and take her basket. I throw in dirty clothes on my floor.

My room was all white. My small bed was shoved lengthwise on the right wall my desk opposite it. a large blue dresser took up the rest of the wall beside the desk. across from that was a book shelf and the arm chair. I never had enough room for anything. it drove me crazy.

Mom smiles at me. "Aren't you sweet. You're not supposed to be walking on that ankle."

I rolled my eyes.

"So who's lover boy?" She asks. I blush. "Oh nothing. Just some guy that sarah's best friend's sister's cousin saw. We're just friends." There's a silent unfortuanetly under my breath. "But yeah...Just some boy." I sigh. Mom look's at me knowingly. "No boy is just some boy. You are allowed to date by the way. It's not illegal." She sighs. I look at her. "but is it what's best for me right now? I mean being the way I am...and stuff..." I hang my head. Life was way too confusing. it was so confusing it was off the confused chart. "Well, you just have to see. Liking someone is jumping off a cliff. Don't worry. You've got plenty parachutes. But you just gotta wait for the right moment and hope they catch you. If you know what I mean?" she heaves another sigh and stands. "think about it, Anna." Mom whispers and kisses my forehead.

"Now do your homework. I'll start dinner." She laughs to herself.


	11. Everything's an understatement

**Sorry guy's. I was on vacation and stuck with writers block. Then I watched some Degrassi, drank some tea, and played My candy love so I got into the groove again. I really hope you like this! -Marilyn**

**Castiel**

There are shouts in my ears. A resounding bounce echos throughout the entire room. I breath and turn and keep my eye on my opponent. There, gotta move. I duck between players. I here just one voice above the crowd.

"Go, Castiel! Woo! You got em!" I look up briefly and see her in the mass, a grin like the Cheshire cat. I nod and go after the ball, with a new determination. I had to show off.

The third game of the season. Anna was still on the side lines. She hated every second of it of course but when Game time rolled around she was dressed up with the rest of the team. It made me laugh to see her leaning on her crutches bellowing like one of the guys. She pulled her own being the only girl on the team.

I turn back to my game. It was clear we were going to win with the 15 point lead. I dribble and chest pass, working through the other teams defenses. The ball launches back to me with ten seconds left. I lurch up and toss the ball into the basket. All eyes follow the orange balls smooth arch, swift descent, and sure swish into the basket. Our school jumps up on the bleachers and screams. What we lacked in intelligence we made up for in school spirit. I see Amber on the side lines in her cheerleading outfit, winking at me. Anna leads the school in a cheer.

"Go go Angels! which team is Bad ass! Go go Angels! We've got the moves!" The mass cheers. Even the teachers were cheering. We had won, finally. The other team sulks on the other side of the gym. The team runs up and swallows me in a huddle, shouting and hugging. Anna limps down from the bench and stands on the outside of the group a huge smile on her face.

I work my way out of the group and high five her. Suddenly she hugs me. I stumble backward, shocked and hug her back. "Great job!" She cries, her face in my shoulder. "Thanks? It was nothing. Besides, next game you get to show them up too. Not like that's hard or anything" I laugh. She steps back and rubs her cheeks. "I just can't stop smiling. It hurts!" She laughs. We're both blushing.

A woman comes up behind Anna with three other children hanging on her knees. Analice looks over her shoulder and blushes. "Um...C-castile...this is my mom and my little siblings..." She's suddenly quiet and shy. I nod. "I'm Sarah. This is Clara and Kyle" The oldest girl says. Her hair was lighter than Anna's, though her eyes had the same brightness even if they were gray. She gestures to the two fair haired kids behind her. I can see the resemblance.

"You played very well, Castiel." Her mother says. I smile. "Uh...thanks, but wait until Anna gets to play." I laugh. I delight in watching Analice's face turn dark red.

"Well, Mom you guys have to go. I'm gonna go get ready for the after party with the team. Run along now!" Anna bursts and herds her family to the doors. I hear a faint laugh from Sarah. "Wait until 'Anna' get's to play?" Her sister asks. Anna responds "Shut up" I laugh to myself.

* * *

The team was waiting outside the Honeydew Diner, one of the only good restaurants in Amoris. Anna is shivering next to me as we wait to be seated, the place being packed. I smirk at her.

"If you're cold why don't you put on your sweatshirt? Or do you want to make some statement on the cruelty of fashion?' I mutter in her ear. She glares at me with chattering teeth. "I-I would b-but I don't h-have anything to lean on..." she shakes her shoulders. "You're hot from playing and seem to be exempt from the cold." She argues. Suddenly the team surges forward and I grab Analice from falling. Clearly it was our time to sit.

"You do that alot." I remind her and stroll slowly with her limping gait to the door. "Fall? It's a side effect of not being able to stand by yourself." she says wittily and we enter the warm diner.

The diner was old. Chrome wraps around the counters, booths, and tables. Several people look up to see us pass. The boy's are making a loud ruckus in front. We acquire the long booth in the back and head through the patrons. I stay by Anna, worried she might trip or something.

"You know," She says, "You don't have to babysit me. I'm totally fine.". I raise my eyebrows. She laughs. We sit down with the team and she instantly immerses herself in the conversation. I think that was it. It was her charisma, her ability to make you feel like you were the only person in the room. She's funny and kind and-I stop my thoughts there. Really, Castile, I think to myself, Now you go all Romeo? Anna looks over at me and smiles. She was a great help.

We order and make a mess of course, being boys. Anna, however into the conversation always made sure to smile at me, almost like her way of winking. Like we shared some inside joke. As the night drew on our team captain got up and made a toast to all the people who scored in the game, focusing on my basket at the end. I nod at him and we raise our glasses to the cheer of "Go angels!"

Sometime around midnight we make our leave. The freshman wait for rides and the older students drive off. Anna and I are alone outside. I lean on the low stone wall protecting the garden. Analice sits down next to me. "Tonight was great." She sighs. "Yeah, I love eating with slobs. Makes me feel all pristine and stuff when I leave." I laugh. She smiles at me.

20 seconds of courage, I think. I lean my head down and kiss her.

To describe kissing Anna was impossible. It was so many things at once. It was being lit on fire, it was flying, it was finally nailing a song. It was..divine, curious, spectacular. I don't even think there are words to describe it. Everything was an understatement. This was everything.

On top of that, she kissed me back.


	12. Coward takes a shower

**Thanks so much guys. This chapter is longer I hope. It gets a little weird...ok to be frank it get's crappy and unrealistic. Sorry about that. I'll make up for it next chapter. I promise :) -Marilyn**

**Analice**

he leans his head down and I know what's gonna happen. He kisses me. My insides fly to my head, my brain goes out the window. My heart beats so hard I think it'll burst. I was electrocuted, sparks everywhere, like someone call 911 I'm gonna die.

I kiss him back, smiling on his lips. He pulls away briefly to look into my eyes. My mouth is agape. He smiles down at me. I can't say anything so I kiss him. I hold his hand in mine, to hold something solid, to remind myself it was real.

We were kissing when my mom pulls up and honks the horn. I pull away almost guiltily. I giggle a bit and duck my head down. Castiel clears his throat, his own face red.

"So...uh...see you monday?" I ask quietly. "You knows it." He smiles at me. "Well than..." I mutter, not sure what too say. I stand and pull my crutches under me. Castile kisses me before I go and I float to the car. I pull myself into the passenger seat and wave at Castiel as my mom pulls away.

"Knew it." Was all mom said, like she was my best friend or something. I knew Sarah would know and I would never hear the end of it but right now, that didn't matter. None of that mattered. All that mattered was Castiel liked me.

We pull up and mom kills the engine. Neither of us move. "So that was the boy you liked?" Mom asks quietly. Chills run up my back. "Yeah" I reply, my head swimming. "He's well...he's different." Mom sighs. I raise an eyebrow and look at her. "What are you getting at?" I ask blatantly. "Just...I dated guys like him before. I don't want to judge but...you never know with these people...and I don't want to see you get hurt..." I'm to shocked to speak. I sputter indignantly and throw open my door. With as much grace as I can handle I hop down and storm to the house.

What was she saying!? That Castiel was some kind of criminal or player? She couldn't be more wrong. He was sweet. He didn't judge or laugh or question. He was a softie under the punk. And she just couldn't see it. I throw my weight against the front door, trying to budge it open.

"Analice! I'm not done talking to you!" My mom cries. 'Well, I'm done talking to you' I think harshly. I was to big of a coward to say it out loud of course so I kept pushing. Finally the dutch door squeaks open and I squeeze into the drafty building. I stomp as loud as possible with one foot and feel like screaming. Didn't she say I could date whoever? That she didn't care? Some role model she is.

Sarah pokes her head out of our room, eager for carnage. "What are you in trouble for?" she whisper shouts. I limp past her and into the bathroom. "If mom asks I'm in the shower" I hiss at her. Sarah shrinks back, knowing full well not to mess with her older sister. "Aye, aye captain." She says and slinks back into her room. I slam the bathroom door.

This was so unfair. Horribly so. Couldn't she see the irony, how huge a hypocrite she was? I fall back on the edge of the tub and toss my crutches on the floor. Bad news is now everyone was up with my door slamming. I sigh. Shower time. Slowly I pull off my shirt, my shoulders still bruised. I look at the field of green, blue, and yellow of aged bruises flowering on my back. Whatever lacerations I obtained had healed to a thin red line. I would have knots for years to come. I don't look at my measly chest. The sight was depressing. I wiggle out of my jeans and poke at my still sore joint. Each knee sported fresh bruises from tripping over my stupid crutches. My hips were sore but unscathed. I prop up my ankle and begin unwrapping it. I wince and bit my lip. This part was always ugly.

I look down at the gangly mass of dislocated joint and knotted muscle. My stomach flips painfully. I turn on the shower and listen to the water hit the tub. It was kinda like a drum beat. I sigh and swing my legs over the edge. The frigid water slams against my unbraced legs and I flinch back. It gets warmer as I hear footsteps approach the door. There's a sharp knock. I ignore her, feeling the water warm up.

"Young lady! I will march in there with you butt naked!" mom says. I Grit my teeth and pull the shower curtain closed around me. "Good luck," I call "Getting through a locked door." I didn't lock it.

"What I was saying about Castile...I didn't mean for it to come out like that." She tries pleading. I lean heavily on the wall. No? Gonna call him a drugie next? An axe murderer? Some cult member? "I mean, I don't want you to get hurt by a guy that confident" she says. I slip and land flat on my hip. "Mom." I call. "It was one kiss. Get over it." I say and pull myself up. I felt like a life alert commercial. "But-" I pick up the closest thing, a plastic bath toy, and toss it at the wall. She walks away.

I spend twenty minuets in there thinking about nothing and our kiss. I felt horrible. torn up, like I ate a pound of razor wire. I hated disagreeing with anyone. Especially with people I'm close to. Like my mom or my aunt. Everything was all bunched up around me. My chest was tight and restricting, a cage more than my lungs. My limbs were cold in the hot water. I was panicking again. Everyone had hoped that my panic attacks would go away. Especially me. And it seems that they did. Till now.

My mind scrambles for advice. I crouch down and put my head between my legs breathing in and out. as well as possible anyway. Elephants, watermelon, pianos, quiet, music. I try to think of calming things and My heart slows. I can breathe and think. Time to get out, before I drown myself.

I waddle in to my shared room, burgundy towel around me. Sarah looks up. I don't question why my fourteen year old sister is up. She was taking full advantage of being a teenager using her ability to stay up all night and not feel the effects in the morning. She sits up.

"You kissed him." She says. I lean on chairs and hop intermittedly to get to my bed. I flop down. "And?" I question. "Mom isn't happy?" Sarah responds. "No, she isn't." I admit. "You like him." She says. I can hear the smile. "I do, but so what. People kiss all the time and it means nothing." I remind her. Sarah sighs. "But it doesn't mean nothing cause you like him. Did he kiss you first?" She asks. "Ye-Why am I telling you this? A couple of days ago you hated me for hanging out with him." I sit up and glare at her. "Well I told my friend what you told me and she said she was stupid for hating me. So...But he did kiss you first?" She asks. I bite my lip and nod.

"He likes you back." Sarah replies. She shuts off her lamp. I lay there for a while staring at the ceiling. Sarah's words float through my head.

He likes me back.


	13. Moday morning

**I'm gonna keep calling his dog bullet for the sake of constancy. But um...Hope you like. I think it might be a little out of character but here's a bit of humor**

**Castiel**

**Monday 5:23 Am**

I am freaking out.

Badly.

I pace my room like a mad man, furiously scratching the back of my head, muttering my thoughts out loud. I'm thinking over and over, But no solution comes to mind.

What was I going to wear?

I mean this is Analice we're talking about. The prettiest girl on the face of the planet, simplistic and bo-ho and kind. What was I? A jerk who wore jeans and a t-shirt everyday. I sigh and go through my clothes again. Jeans, Jeans, Jeans, Band tee, Jeans. Why don't I have diversity?

I sit on the edge of my bed. I was going crazy over a girl. She didn't care what I wore, right? I mean she kissed me when I was all gross and sweaty and unshowered. But, she did care, cause she doesn't want to be seen with a freak...well that can be debatable. I lean back on my bed. Bullet leaps up and nudges me. I look up at him. My eyes were as droopy as his, Having not slept since Friday. I smile a bit.

"You gonna help me pick, or are you going to just sit there and snore away?" I ask him. He yawns and sets his head down on his paws. "Fine then. I'll Just do it myself!" I Joke.

After 72 hours I just throw on black jeans, a band tee from some dead 80's band and brush my hair. It was fried from all the dying, I noticed, but couldn't be bothered to care. Great. an hour to kill and nothing to do.

I stumble down the stairs, and proceed to drink the coffee I had recently prepared. I was like a kid on Christmas, sneaking down at two in the morning to look at the present's. I lean back and sip slowly trying to plan what I would say. I shake my head. Just let it be natural, I tell myself.

* * *

**Analice**

**5:45 am**

I look at the two outfits it had come down to. Brown cami, white embroidered skirt or torn up capris and my hippy tie dye shirt. I sit on the edge of my bed. I had upgraded to a chunky walking brace for my ankle and could mostly hide the black brace around my knee. I bang the brace on the ground in thought. I growl. How do I do this? I've never liked a boy like this.

I pick the hippy shirt and capris, tossing them on and, as per routine, two puffs of vanilla perfume. I tie my hair back in a simple pony tail and hop out of my room. I skip down the stairs and swing around the corner excited for school. I hum a bit in my head as I make my way to the kitchen. I set to the task of feeding children and pop a bunch of waffles. As I suspected the kitchen began to fill with hungry mouths. I shoe them to the dinning room. Sarah cleans off the table, Kyle grabs the silverware. Clara gets the syrup. I bring out a plate of waffles snagging one with my bare hands from the top and skipping out.

I had to toss it from hand to hand to keep from burning myself. I turn and grab my backpack and lunch money by the door. I pop the waffle in my mouth as I drag the bag onto my shoulder.

"Sarah is in charge!" I yell taking the waffle in hand and pulling open the door. "Don't burn anything!" I add.

"Have fun with lover boy!" Sarah yells. I glare at the kitchen door. 'Anna fifteen minuets.' I remind myself and dart out. I begin walking to the school, as Mom was on call at 3 this morning. I was luckily not far away and was at the front gates in time for first bell. I move across the school yard as fast as possible keeping eyes out for my recent favorite red head.

Ironically enough, when I look forward I bash into Castiel's chest.

"Well, hello there." He smiles at me. A smirk graces his lips. "No crutches, little Tim?" He asks. I break my eyes from his smile to my foot. "Uh...Yeah, yeah, I got a walking brace Saturday. It's a pain to walk in, ironically." My stomach flipped. Why was I suddenly quiet and awkward around him? God, I was so weird. Did he think I was ignoring him, sitting here thinking? Oh, goodness. I blush.

Castiel takes my hand. "Let's go face school. You got me to do my homework, so now I've got to turn it in. I blame you, all these teachers are all 'oh, how wonderful, how new, how amazing' Like really? It took something this insignificant to-" I shut him up by kissing him. "I care, does that make me a villan?" I whisper.

"No, not at all." Castiel smiles. Those were the words he'd wanted to hear since his parent's left.


	14. An idea proposed

**I do ask that when my fans [I'm so excited to SAY THAT!] review that they please tell me why they like the story so far, or which part is your favorite. I love that you guys want me to update and I'm working as fast as possible but I don't know what you like about it so I can't keep doing it.**

**Analice**

It's the break before the last block and I'm grateful. School was so long today, for no apparent reason. It was like swimming in jello. I guess because I was on the look out for Mr. Red head. My search was successful as I head out to the courtyard and I see him under a tree.

As soon as Castiel sees me he smiles. I hurry over to him without hurrying. You know so you get there quickly without looking desperate? I pop up beside him.

"What goes on?" I ask nonchalant. "School. Dead boring. You?" He smirks like the first day I saw him. "Uh...Yeah...yeah school is boring." I cross my eyes. "But I think I can manage." Was I blushing? I think I was. Maybe.

"Nice, Um who's turn for the music, do you think? Was it mine?" Castiel asks. Was the perfect Castiel nervous? Well that was a relief. I sigh inwardly, a breath of relief.

"I say it's mine, but to be honest I'm not sure." I say and lean on the tree beside him. "How about we split?" He offers, looking down at me with his dark eyes. They seemed brighter somehow, like some sunshine was turned on inside his head, or something poetic like that.

But guess who decided to enjoy the party? The one and only Amber who scoffs as she passes. Being stupid little me, I glower back at her, just barely holding on to a scathing comment. She catches my gaze and turns to face me.

"Oh, it's an awful shame you have to wear that walking brace, Anna," She says my name mockingly and I stand a little straighter, ready to give what I felt was coming. "I bet it must have hurt a bunch." Amber smiles sadistically.

"Well if your that curious" Castile grabs my hand to keep from saying something that could get me expelled. I sigh and huff back against the tree. Amber notes his casual touch and goes for the kill.

"You know, Castiel, when I dared you to date her you didn't have to actually go and do it." She sighs. "Someones a little stupid." She mutters. Her minions laugh.

"Someone's a little blonde, Amber, or maybe...is that a gray hair I see?" Castiel gasps. Amber's eyes grow wide and her hands fly to her roots. When the dig dawns on her, the girl's blue eyes narrow dangerously. "Someone will get whats coming" she throws at us before stalking off, presumably to the bathroom to check if Castiel was lying.

But her words floated in my head, a great deal heavier than my sisters from a few nights ago. What did she mean dare? Was I just an experiment?

* * *

**Castiel**

We lounge on the steps and an idea pops in my head. I lurch up and grin. Anna looks up from a daisy she was picking at.

"What about a jam session?," I ask. She looks confused. "I can't sing. or play an instrument." She shrugs and avoids eye contact.

"Anna, you can sing. Have you not heard yourself?" I ask honestly. She closes her eyes and faces the sun, her skin glowing. "Clearly cause It's not my voice you hear" She offers. "But I'll try anything once. Deets. What are they?" She asks, focusing over my shoulder.

"How about here? Tomorrow afternoon. Just instead of bringing music to listen to we make our own. Don't worry, I do have a guitar." I smile, feeling brightly clever. "Seems like a good idea." She smiles and kisses me.

"Mmm...why does that sound like a dismissal?" I ask. She sighs. "My mom asked that I babysit tonight, so I have to go. Sorry." She says this quickly and packs her backpack. With a swift kiss, she's down the steps and halfway to the gate before I even move. Something was up with Anna...I just don't know what.

**Well that took for freaking ever! Gosh. And on top of that I learned Castiel's dog isn't the Doberman I had been lead to believe he was. Demon is a Belgenise Shepard, That just looks a lot like a rottweiler that I get mixed up with Doberman all the time. Sorry that took so long, next chapter is like pre written so that will be done quickly. and 9 more days till I'm a freshman and I don't know what that will do to my updating so please bear with me, im trying!**


	15. Rain

**I just have to say that I love you guys. It feels amazing logging on and heading to my email to see all these reviews. Thanks for your continued support in the weird schedule and odd flairs. Yeah, I'll try to make this a long chapter. Please. **

**Castiel**

Of course today is raining. Which of course means outside jam session is a bust. Because fate, it seems, loves irony. I sit back, glooming about my house. I sit on the window seat before the large lattice window, watching water streak down the panes. I glance down at the large winding driveway, a dark cement snake that ruined the sylvan area around the giant house.

Bullet, who is always at my side these days, woofs quietly, a sign from him that I need to get up and feed my faithful companion. And get ready for school.

We both trail down the staircase, Winter was starting to fall in on us, the chill sneaking in all over. I wince when I walk in the kitchen, the cold in here almost unbearable. I hate the cold. It hated me. We were very passionate. I pull open a cupboard and behold, it squeaked with misuse. I'm sure if my mom was here she'd have a heart attack. I lug out the dog food. It thumps out onto the counter and spills over on the floor. Good enough, I decide.

Bullet leaps up and demolishes the mess. I head upstairs to throw clothes on. I sit back and think. Hey. What if we had le jam session inside? Wow...I sounded dumb. Of course. I pull out my phone, a black and red pantech pursuit 2, and text Anna.

hey :)

Hi ;)

It's raining...

Yes...yes it is...

So outdoor jam session is out...

ja.

But I had an idea...

Did u?

I did.

What?

Why don't we have jam session at my house?

Well...That sure sounds like flirting...

And if it is?

Well...ok, than, where do you live?

Gonna stalk me?

no

Break into my house and steal my shit?

no

Ok. 666 Bella Muerte Avenue.

Isn't that the fancy part of town? Very swanky, XD

So you'll come?

of course. I'll try anything once, remember?

Nice. C u school.

TTYS

I sigh. This was real, it occured to me. Very real indeed. I really liked her. jezz. I throw on my usual attire and head to the door. I veto the motorcycle and just skateboard, my sweatshirt zipped up and hood on. My back pack hung heavy on my shoulders. By the time I make it to school my sweatshirt was all wet.

Anna was under the over hang, her arms around her sides, seemingly to keep her warm. I smile, and haphazardly shove my board into my bag. I pop up behind her, wrapping my arms around her. She gasps and looks up, seeing me.

"Well, hello," She chatters. "It's freezing." She says. I shrug. "Why are you waiting outside?" I ask. "Cause it's really pretty. Look at the fog." I peer out at the slight haze curling over the campus. It is beautiful.

"Come on, You'll catch hypothermia out here." I smile and pull her inside. She laughs. Anna pouts.

"Speaking of hypothermia, your hair is all wet. What'd you do, walk?" I gesture to the skateboard. She shakes her head. "You can wreck the deck that way. Left my board in the rain and it rotted till it broke in half. very poor loss." she sighs. "You board?" I ask as we stroll down the hall. "Ja. Or at least I used to. Not much very more." She denies.

"You should show me some time, sunshine." I joke and shake out my hair like a dog. she winces away and giggles. She smiles wistfully at me.

"Alright, we're going to be late," Anna laughs. She kisses my cheek and skips away, whimsy and poetic. I grin after her, proably looking idiotic. I head to my locker, a skinny thing that could hold next to nothing. I shove in my board and grab my notebooks. School wasn't that bad with Anna.

I casually stroll into homeroom, a shock to my teacher and several students, that stared at me in awe. As you may have guessed, my attendance wasn't exactly stellar. "What?" I offer distantly. I take a seat in the back and stare at the celeing.

6 more hours till I hang out with Anna. Only 6 hours to go...

Shoot me now.

* * *

Analice

I slip into homeroom just in time for my name. I call out "here!" and release a sigh. Phew, I was in time. Speaking of time, I glance down at my watch. only 6 more hours. This was both scary and amazing. I never though about my voice. It was ok. That's all. I was more into the instrumental aspects of music. not that I could do that very well, my struggle with the piano still ongoing. I've been working at it, though. I can't judge my progress well but It didn't sound as stupid.

The bell rings and I head to English. As I step out into the hall, Nathaniel stops me.

"hey." he says lamely. I raise an eyebrow. "I know I'm not your fave person to see, but since youre so buddy buddy with Castiel, do you think you could get him to sign this?" He hands me a pink slip, absentee stamped on the top. "Seem's your friend is fond of ditching class." Nathan mutters.

"What's it to you? Why do you want me to do it?" I ask. "How well do you think it would go if I asked him?" Nathaniel asks. My experience when they were together told me not well so I merely shrugged. "Fine. I'll do it." I fold up the slip and put it in my pocket. "Thanks" Was all I get before the president jets off. Guess he wasn't fond of me either.

I again make it just in time, the bell ringing just as I slid into my seat. Mr. Savignano looks up from his paper and smiles.

"We are going to have a great class today! Public speaking, as the election is coming up," The class groans, even me. "Now I know it's not the easiest thing in the world, but you never know. Now take out a peice of paper and write a short, like 2 minuet speech about yourself." He smiles to himself. "Should be easy. We're all experts on ourselves, are we not?" Not me, I think to myself. There's a whole bunch I need to learn. I write obediantly anyway.

_My name Is Analice. I'm new to Amoris but I like it alot. I'm on the basketball team, but haven't been able to play since it started, due to an injury. I like to play the piano. _

well that wasn't crappy, I think sarcastically. I try again.

_I'm Analice. I love it here, but it's strange being new. I'm on the basketball team, as some of you may know, but an injury has stopped me from participating in any of our games. I love writing, but I prefer playing piano. I have two sisters, both younger, and two brothers, one older, one younger. I don't know if I'm a expert on who Analice is but, I'm getting to know her. _

Better, I decide. "Analice, why don't you go first?" Mr. Savignano asks. My head pops up. "uh...Really? Cause I'm sure someone else wants to go first...like...Uh..."

"I'll go, sir." A girl volunteers. What was her name...something like a flower...uh...Irene? Iris! that's it. I mouth thank you and try to hid my flaming cheeks.

"I'm Iris, but you all know that. I am an artist, but many of you know me as the chello player. I don't attend this high school full time as I also go to Greater Hartford Academy of the Art's..."

She keeps talking but I tune out after a few minuets. 5 and a half hours after this. Just five and a half hours.


	16. Jam session! song fic chapter

**Hey guys. So part of this becomes a song fic chapter, and if you hate song fic chapters like I do cause they're annoying than sorry but it was 100% necessary. If not, I suggest you get your youtube browsers ready cause these are two great songs. I love them (Soil, soil by tagen and Sara. Bury me [acoustic version] by 30 seconds to mars) Also I don't own Castiel or the names or whatever, but I do own The design of Anna's house and Castiel's house and I own Anna and her family. So please SWIPER, NO SWIPPING!**

**Also how many of you are bothered by my poor grammar? Cause If you guys are I'll invest in a beta reader. I swear. and Ja, the tenses are odd. I've never been good at that. **

Analice

Remarkably, five and a half hours flew by quickly. Suddenly it was 8th block in the last five minuets. I kick at my backpack impatiently. I couldn't focus on Senora Caffyn. Not that I was any good with conjugations anyway, but whatever, right? I cloud speak german and that was good enough for me.

I sigh and pull out the absentee note. Already the paper was worn from being my temporary worry stone. I knew getting Castiel to sign this could be the death of me, but I promised Nathaniel I'd get it done and I wasn't going to be called a liar. Why had Castiel skipped? He was doing well. Oh, god, I sounded like a guidance counselor. That had to stop.

I tap my pen, making a beat that switches to the sos code. Senora Caffyn finished her lesson plan and left us to talk. I look up at a flash of color. Iris perches before me. "Hey" she says, I smile.

"Hi. Thanks for the save back in English. I thought my cheeks would burst into flame." I blush. Iris shrugs. "I love talking, so it was no big deal. I take it you're very shy?" I blush harder. "Why would you say that?" I mumble, picking at the carved graffiti.

"Well, I can't remember seeing you talk to anyone when you don't have to. Or Castiel." she smirks, a look in her eye like she knows. Oh, God...she knows! I watch her carefully. "Don't freak out but I know Castiel. He never smiles like that. The rest of the student body won't put it together until you two start snogging in the hallways." Iris laughs to herself. I sigh and sit back. "Thank goodness for small favors. Don't tell anyone, ok? Not until I get a reading on him" I ask.

"Well good luck with that. Even i can't work miracle, an understanding that boys brain is an art form in itself." Iris laughs again. I smile at her. She at least was nice.

Mercifully the bell rings and I spring up. I stumble on my walking brace, but pick myself up. Dignity. I look down at the note still in my hand and without a thought shove it in my pocket. This was certainly a job for a miracle worker.

* * *

Castiel

The bell rings and I head out of the class swiftly. Taking the stairs two at a time, I make good time to the front door. I slip out like a thief and pull out my board. I'm grinding the rail and down the street in no time. I had to race to my house to get ready.

Very quickly I find myself on familiar streets of my neighborhood, the fancy part of sweet amoris, up on the cliff. I hated this neighborhood, full of judging eyes and grouchy people with too much money. They didn't know how to enjoy life and hated me cause I did. Caviar and Champagne aren't how to live. Music and the edge, that was how to live.

32 doors later, I stop at my place and shove my board hastily in my bag. I throw open the door. Bullet leaps up on me to try and lick my face, but I was too tall. I get on the ground to give my buddy some love.

OK, Business time. I scout the rooms, trying to find the perfect place to jam. Living room, too low-key. Parlor, no room. Piano room? It had to have good acoustics. True the room looked stiff and unlived in, practically taken right of a magazine page of better homes and gardens. Well, whatever.

i slide down the hall and into the kitchen. Food, it's a wonderful thing. I open my fridge. Something in here had to be edible. I stare at the glaring emptiness...damn, I meant to go grocery shopping. Pantry time!

I throw open the cupboard. Nutella. Yes, well nutella was hard to share. It was more of a me, myself, I, and a spoon, kinda food. Tostitos. Now those were very shareable. I dump the bag in a large bowl and head back to the piano room. Ok, food, place...Guitar! I broke my favorite on but I still had a nice acoustic. Baybell, I called it. I fly up to my room and take the guitar off my wall. I stroll back down, very careful with my baby, and sit on the couch to tune it.

* * *

Analice

I pull up to the address in my aunt's microbus. The place was huge. Brown wood siding was well kept, nowhere near the chipping state of my own. Large windows on the bottom floor shine into large white rooms. Large was the word of the day. I look up and see a dominating lattice window, the size of a wall. I don't dare head down the drive way afraid I'd end up in Narnia. I cut the engine and take a deep breath.

Kicking open the sticky door, I hop down. I slam the door and lock all my reservations inside. I skip down the front walk, all heavy slabs of slate, and face the intimidating front door. I try to judge the type of wood but can't place it. Shrugging I ring the doorbell. A slight pause is followed by a storm of barking. I hear a stong "Down, Bullet, stay." The door opens, notably unsticky, and Castiel smiles at me, simple against his...Estate?

"Redwood!" I cry. He looks mildly confused. "Your door, it's redwood.' i clarify. He nods. "I told them to get something less endangered but no dice." he looks at the sky from under the overhang. "You sure do have a thing about rain. Come in, It's freezing." Castiel smiles and pulls the door wider. I hop up and kiss his cheek.

"Chivalry isn't all dead, Castiel." I laugh. Promptly a Doberman is sniffing at my jeans. He looks up at me. I smile.

"Hey there" I say to him. I crouch down to thoroughly adore the beautiful canine. He decides my face is tasty and gives me a quick licking. Castiel smiles.

"I thought you were a dog person." He sighs, evidently relieved. "Of course," I cry and stand "I adore big dogs. I'd have one but they get expensive" and there's no room with three little kids. But not that Castiel had to worry about any of that, clearly. He takes off my damp sweatshirt and I stop out of my flats, not wanting to drag dirt through his house.

"This place is beautiful" I mummble, walking down the halls. On my left is a living room with plush black couches and a low glass coffee table. White shag carpet stretched from wall to pristine, white wall. A huge flat screen hangs above a black and chrome platform that houses a blue ray player and expensive speakers. As I go further down the hall I see a parlor on the right. All wood floors and creamy hint of brown walls. A large bar takes up the right wall complete with bar stools. A small table in the back sits under a bright window, one of three, and holds a chess table, most likely beautiful and antique.

In front of me is a grand stair case, slightly curving. I turn left and see a gray room. I wander over, Castiel behind me. I step in the door way and before me is a beautiful ebony Steinway and co concert grand. My mouth falls slightly agape as I approach it. It was astounding. I whisper "Oh,my god." and sit on the bench. Castiel is highly amused.

"Do you play?" He asks. "Not as well as I would hope" I sigh and strike a G chord. It was so beautiful.

"Knowing you, that means amazing. Play something. Anything." Castiel urges and sits next to me. I blush.

"Well I know some Regina Spektor, being a huge fan." I sigh and look down at the keys. "And I've written some stuff just freelance." Castiel looks impressed. If only he knew how bad I was.

"Fine. There's this Tagen and Sara song I'm obsessed. I strike some chords. Castiel watches, mesmerized. I focus on stringing the right notes together and for once it goes smoothly, beads on a string. Then I start singing.

"Oh and I'm feeling directionless yes, but that's to b expected and I know that best. In creeps the morning and another day's lost. You send me 'wondering' and I reply fast.  
All you need to save me, all you need to save me, call, and I'll be curled on the floor hiding out from it all, and I won't take any other call."

I break for the piano solo. I avoid Castiel's eyes.

"I feel like a fool, so I'm going to stop troubling you. Buried in my yard, a letter to send to you and if I forget, god forbid I do, I hope that you hear me, Know that I wrote to you  
All you need to say to me, all you need to say to me is call, and I'll be curled on the floor hiding out from it all, and I wont take any other call." a few last notes and I fade out, resting my hands in my lap, blushing.

"So that was me sucking." I say, my voice incredibly small. I almost felt like crying. The only person to hear me sing was my shower, the only person to hear me play was my aunt. Castiel doesn't say anything. I look up at him. He's staring at the piano. He turns and gazes down at me as if in a new light. Suddenly our lips are pressed together and everything is ok.

"That wasn't you sucking." he assures me. "That was you being amazing" Castiel's smile makes me agree. This guys happiness was rare and contagious. I blush harder. "you're saying that because you have to" I sigh and turn away from the piano. On a grandmas floral pattern couch is another beautiful instrument. This time a softly gleaming acoustic guitar. I stand and stroll over to it. Castiel laughs. "Can you play that, too?" he questions. I shake my head.

"I've always wanted to learn." I say and stroke the neck. Oh wow. It seemed to hum under my touch. "That beauty is Baybell" Says Castiel, suddenly behind me. I pick it up and sit down, handing it to my now seated boyfriend.

"your turn." I taunt. He smiles at me. "Well any request sunshine?" he asks. I think about it. Jacoob used to play. I loved sitting outside his room and listening.

"I know it's depressing, but do you know the acoustic version of bury me by 30 seconds to mars?" I sigh and lean back. "my older brother used to play it all the time. It would drive my dad crazy." I laugh. "Dad never had a taste in music." or commitment. Divorce and soft jazz were his inclination.

"I do know it actually. Will you sing again?" I see a hopeful glint. Did he really like my singing? I shrug.

"if it pleases you, sir?" I laugh. Bullet moves from under the piano to between our outstretched legs. Castiel winks and begins to strum. I clear my throat and get ready to sing.

"What if I wanted to break, Laugh it off, laugh in your face, What would you do? What if I fell to the floor? Couldn't take this anymore? What would you do?" Castiel's gaze is intense and Hilarious at the same time. I mimic it and he smirks. I stick my tongue out and continue.

"Come break me down Bury me, bury me. I am finished with you  
What if I wanted to fight? Beg for the rest of my life? What would you do? You say you wanted more, What are you waiting for? I'm not running from you  
Come break me down, Bury me, bury me, I am finished with you. Look in my eyes, You're killing me, killing me. All I wanted was you  
I tried to be someone else. But nothing seemed to change, I know now, this is who I really am inside. I Finally found myself Fighting for a chance. I know now, this is who I really am. oh, oh , oh."

I smile and listen to Castiel strum. It sounded warm and smooth, like sunshine. I could feel the guitar as if in my heart. I loved this idea.

"Come break me down, Bury me, bury me. I am finished with you. Look in my eyes, You're killing me, killing me. All I wanted was you  
Come break me down bury me, bury me. I am finished with you. Look in my eyes, you're killing me, killing me. All I wanted was you. " I grin. "There you go again, sunshine." Castiel laughs. He lays baybell down on a stand by the arm.

"This was a good idea" I sigh, letting the clouded sunshine warm my face. He leans back on the arm. I smile. "Snuggle buddy?" I ask. He narrows his eyes as if in thought and smirks. "Come join me." he mock commands. "Yes, sir." I reply and Lay back with him.

"you know" He says in my ear. "You are in the ideal place for tickling." my eyes grow wide. "Oh no" is all I can get in before Castiel attacks me with tickling. I shriek with open, ready laughter. It was easy to laugh around Castiel, when I'm so shy around others.

"Stop tickling me! Ah! I can't breathe!" I call between laughter. I try to tickle him back but Can't find anywhere he's ticklish. Suddenly I'm pinned under him and our faces are incredibly close. Neither of us move, lost in the others eyes. I smile

"Why aren't you ticklish?" I ask. Castiel shakes his head. "I am ticklish, just not where You're tickling." I smirk. "I'm not leaving till I know where." I promise.

Castiel looks to the side, something catching his attention. He extends his arm and picks it up. The absentee note! I watch his dark eyes scan the paper. They narrow a fraction.

"Explain." He demands. I scoot out from under him. "That's nothing. Nathaniel just wanted me to get you to sign it." I mumble, suddenly quiet.

"And you said yes?!" Castiel asks anger edging into his voice. I pull my knees up to my chest and hide my face. "Could I have said no?" I almost whimper. I hear a sigh, Castiel getting himself under control. I feel a hand on my back.

"I wont sign it, but not because of you. If Nathaniel were a man, he'd ask me himself" Castiel slumps back on the couch. "Why do you hate him so much?" I ask taking his hand. "It's hard to explain, you know?" I nod. Sometimes you just get a brain sense you don't like someone.

I hop up and look at the bookshelves on the rear wall. Small wood carvings line the shelves. Antique Breyer horses are used as book ends. The salt air that must float through here had swelled some books. The area around the shelves smelled like old books. It felt like my old home in Rhode island.

Bullet gets up and leaves. Castiel gets up and watches me. I stroke the spine of a rather loved copy of 'To kill a Mockingbird.' "Great book" Castiel says.

"Never read it." I comment wistfully. Castiel takes my hands. "I'll read it to you." He smiles. I nod and smile back.

"Sure"


	17. Cheap beer

Analice

I thought my heart would explode.

I run down the slick sidewalk, orange streetlights showing the thicking drizzle. I pant, my lungs painfully wheezing. I land in a puddle, water lurching up to my knees.

"Wait! Come back!" His shouts rattle in my still ringing ears. Fear and anger burn in my stomach and I keep heading down the hill. Foot falls ring out behind me. I go faster, trying to stay balanced, waiting for the moment when they'll stop, when it will all stop.

I turn the corner at the bottom of the hill and stumble blindly through the bushes, cutting past fancy back yards, heading for the park. The full moon is blocked out by rain. Keep running, never stop. keep running. Keep running. I hear him behind me, stubbornly trying to keep up. "Fuck, ow, stupid branch. Wait, come back!" He yells.

I don't know what to do or where to go. I pull out of the bushes and follow the street. My freshly healed ankle is warning me that it's taken enough. I pause at a street light, leaning heavily on it, my chest heaving excruciatingly. The cold begins to sink into my sweatshirt. I look behind me. I can't hear his footsteps, nor his voice. The dark black mass of shrubs is motionless. I sigh and begin to walk along the sidewalks, following the streets of Amoris.

I watch my sneakers as they stroll quietly on. I can still hear our fight, ghosts in my ears. I can feel the fear when he cornered me. I begin to shake at the memory. I think I start crying but the rain was so heavy it could just be water. I watch his hand raise, pale in the yellow lamplight. Then the crack of skin on skin. I raise my hand to my cheek, still stinging.

Why did I let it get so far? How did that happen? I don't know how I can keep walking. I look at the reflection of light on the street. 'Just forget about it' I think. 'Don't say anything, just forget.' i try to listen to myself. I know it's hopeless. I really liked him. Like, _really _liked him. And this was how he felt. Well his loss.

I don't know how long I had been walking when a green sedan pulls up along side me. I strut faster. It keeps pace. I slow down. It lags behind. I stop. The window rolls down. A blonde head pokes out.

"Need a ride?" Nathaniel asks. I look over my shoulder. "Pretty suspicious I know, but I promise not to kidnap you. Get in." He smiles. The temptation of spiteing Castiel was to great to ignore. I shrug and walk around to the passenger seat.

"Just get me to Dove street. I can walk from there." I say quietly. He nods and pulls away from the curb. I look at the clock on his radio. It's around midnight. I raise an eyebrow.

"What on earth are you, the student body president, doing driving around at midnight?" I ask, leaning back on the chair, trying to get my soaked hair into a ponytail. He laughs softly. "What are you, the star basketball player and Castiel's number one girl, doing out at midnight?" He turns the question on me. I set my jaw at the mention of Castiel. "Nothing. Just clearing my head" I mumble.

There's silence. "I'm giving Amber a ride home." He says and gestures at the back. I look behind me at the lump of his sister. "Didn't see her." I comment. But I smelled her, the heavy stench of cheap beer swirling in the car. He swerves left. I grip the door tightly.

"So nervous, Anna. Why?" He asks. I duck my head down, my eyes getting heavy. "Ok, ok, you don't have to answer, just trying to start conversation." Nathaniel offers when I don't respond. We drive in silence till we get to Dove street.

"Some stuff happened when I was younger." I mutter and peel out of the car. I hear a shout as I head up the sidewalk. "See you monday, Anna."


	18. Old fear

Analice

I lean on my desk, my eyes half closed from sleep deprivation. Hidden under concealer was a pale purple bruise. He hit me hard. I sigh and run my hand through my unbrushed hair. It had been a long night. A really long night. The teacher drones on but I don't do anything. I can't listen.

I lay my head on my arms, to weary to keep myself up. I wish i could go back in time and stick up for myself. Not that I had a spare time machine lying around or anything. I peer up at the rest of the students, alert and staring ahead like worker bees. All copies of each other. I mutter darkly to myself.

The bell screams in the halls and the bees get up and shuffle all their stuff together getting ready to move on to another class. The teacher clears his throat and calls out "Analice, just a moment." I sigh and turn on my heel, my head bent, looking at the floor.

"You haven't handed in any homework all week. Is everything ok? You used to be a star pupil." he sighs, as if my shortcomings were armegedon. I glower at my converse. I guess this was where I responded with something stupid and hollow and goddy-two-shoes like 'I'll try harder next time' or some stupid excuse like 'My grandma died' That's something The nice Anna would say. But I wasn't exactly ms. sunshine today.

"No I guess I haven't handed in anything." I say aloof, not looking up. "But why? Are you in any trouble?" He asks, as if he really cared. I roll my eyes under my bangs. 'Sure, I got hit by my ex boyfriend, the entire school thinks I'm a freak and a laughing stalk, and also my mom is driving me bonkers. No problems here' I smirk. "Everything's just fine, sir." I promise. "Now I might be late-" "Very well, very well. If you're having any trouble keeping up just ask me, or talk to your guidance counsler." I smile, and abscond quickly, getting out of that mess as soon as humanly possible.

I make my way to my locker, trying to fit in with the crowd. I was like a chameleon today, just another kid. I get to my locker unnoticed, and dump all my books in. The glory of a friday study hall. I slam the door and turn. In front of me is Nathaniel. He smiles sheepishly.

"Hey, Anna." he says. I nod a greeting. "How are you?" he asks, leaning against the lockers next to mine. I turn to face him. "Just fine. Why does everyone want to know? Did I miss a memo?" I question, staring at his chin, avoiding his blue eyes. "No, it's just a customary thing people do when they talk to each other." Nathaniel says easily. I smirk. "How predictable, Nate." I joke. He smiles at me.

"So where are you heading?" he asks. "Home. I have a study hall so I'm signing out early." I sigh and begin to head to the office. Nathaniel follows. "I'll go with you." he says unnecessarily. "great." I lie. We walk in a comfortable silence. I had begun to lose my charisma as it appeared. But people talk to much anyway.

I get to the main office and open the door. An orange blur nearly takes me out as it flies past my knees. I look over my shoulder as students jump out of the way. Talk about chaos personified.

"YOU GIRL!" the principle demands. "WHY DIDN'T YOU CATCH MY KIKI?! I COULD GET YOU SUSPENDED FOR THIS! GO CATCH MY KIKI NOW!" She demands. I don't move, old fear paralyzing my heart. It almost felt normal.

"Ye-yes, Ma'am." I stutter and shut the door. Nathaniel looks over at me. "Good luck. I'd help but I have alot of work to get through." He says and darts off. 'Yeah, so much work you had time to walk me down the hallway.' I deadpan in my head. I look after the path of destruction. Only one way to catch it.

I dart after the barking.


	19. its short Aftermath

**Here is whats up since many are confused. Anna got in an argument that ended with Castiel hitting her. This was never fully mentioned. In Cheap Beer she was running away from him. Than Nathaniel pulled up and gave her a ride, which resulted in a vague tidbit of her back story. She's gone into a bit of a social withdraw, went from being all nice to FML I hate the world. at the end of Old fear, we mention episode 3 and that is where I pick up, ok? Is everyone on the same page now? all good?**

**Analice**

I pop my head in the student council room, scanning quickly. I'd been searching for about three hours now. I sigh. How did I know if this dog was still on the campus? I groan and lean my head on the door frame This was getting extreme. Pinching the bridge of my nose in frustration, I scan the hallway one more time, again yielding nothing. I beat my fist against the frame to a beat, keeping my mind deliberately blank.

Nathaniel's voice catches me off guard "Still looking for the dog?" he asks. I jump and turn into the room. I hadn't seen him masked by all his paper work. "Yeah." I reply and slump down in a plastic seat across from him. "What are you doing?" I add, watching his eyebrow crease in concentration.

"Just some stupid paperwork stuff. Pretty boring. Just cross checking student files, organizing events, blah blah blah." He leans back, tapping his pencil on his desk. "Have you gotten to my file yet?" I ask him, trying to forget that asinine dog. "No. I'm only on C, and your last name begins with an E so..." He turns his head and looks out the window.

"If you don't mind me asking what happened between you and Castiel. He's gone from your shadow to non-existent." Nathaniel keeps his voice steady and free of accusation "Oh just some stuff. You know, we're all teenagers, we do stupid stuff so we can learn from it." I peer out the window. Below us was the courtyard and there was Castiel, lounging on a tree branch. Still breaking school rules, I see. My heart tugs painfully and I have to look away.

Nathaniel leaves it alone. I sigh, letting sunshine hit my skin from the high window. I let my eyes slide shut. Suddenly I hear a high-pitched whine. Kiki stands at the door, tail wagging.

"Get back here you mutt!" I cry and lurch up out of my seat.

* * *

Castiel

I lean against the trunk, high up in the tree. I had my ear buds in and heard the music, detaching myself from the idiotic reality of my life. I hated myself. Pure hatred. I loathed looking in a mirror to remind myself I was me, and I had hurt her. I think about it every waking moment, it tortures my dreams and my thoughts.

I look up and see a flash of brown in the window, like Analice's hair. my body seems to shudder with pain and I turn up my music.

I was stupid. I almost couldn't live with my self, but what really killed me was not being able to see her and tell her how sorry I was. She made it clear I was to leave her alone for ever.

Don't get me wrong, this sounds melodramatic, but she made me feel... different. Normal. I wasn't a freak. I was normal and sane and care free when I was with her.

Below me a small yellow dog rushes past, barking up a storm. And there is Anna, determination in her clearly sleepless eyes.

"Come back here!" she calls after it. My tongue moves on its own accord.

"That's not how you catch a dog." I call down. She ignores me. "You have to bait it." I add. She stops. I can almost visibly see her struggle against herself.

"With what?" she mumbles quietly. "Dog treats, duh." I reply and leap out of the tree. She doesn't turn around. "And where, pray tell, am I to get dog treats?" She asks. I can hear frigid hate in her voice. Guess I wasn't the only one that hated me. "I have some." I offer, my voice far more gentle than I wanted it.

"I'm taking anything from you. I don't need your charity." She hisses. "I'll charge you 20, if it makes you feel better." I throw back at her. "Fine." she stalks away. I am hit by a wave of anger at everything and turn around to punch the tree, yelling in frustration.

What was wrong with me.


	20. Femnistic apologies

Analice

After avoiding disaster with getting the principle's dog I stumble into the gym in time for practice. Changing quickly I duck out to listen to our new captain, Dajan. He smiles as I join the group, bouncing foot to foot.

"Alright guys, let's do this!" He roars. Guess I missed the commencement speech. Everyone scatters. "hey, newbie!" He calls out. I turn around, knowing he meant me. "Yeah? I ask. "Can you get me a bottle of water, I left mine at home, helluva morning." He looks at me pleading. My feminism side threatened to remind him brutally I was real player and not a maid, but I shrug.

"Whatever." I reply. I head out of the side door. Going to the store and picking up a bottle wasn't hard, it was when Castiel showed up that I froze. He makes his way to the front and I hide behind the chips.

"Hey, Tom." he calls to the cashier, the same old guy from day one. "Hey, Castiel." He responds. "Got any guitar picks? I just snapped the last one I had." Tom thunders with laughter. "Hardcore playing? Yeah, come round back and I'll show you what I got." I thank whatever spirit there was for this lucky break, and sprint out of the store.

I breath when I'm back on campus. When I walk into the gym however I hear Dajan joking with some guy. "The freshie is such a joke. Shouldn't she be a cheerleader or something?" Laughter ensues. I ball up my free fist, unknown anger swelling inside me. I put down his water bottle and face him.

"No, actually, I'm a sophomore And I hate cheerleading. I can play as good as any guy on the team and can haul the same ass you all do. next time take your idiot remarks and your ninny butt to the store and buy yourself a water bottle. Last favor I'm ever doing you!" I throw at him. Everyone falls silent. Some guy in the back says "Yeah dude, leave Anna alone." Others nod in agreement.

Dajan however is having none of it. "Is that how you speak to a team captain?" he yells at me. I flinch involuntarily, my momentary courage completely abandoned. A door slams open on the far end of the gym.

"It is when she's right." Castiel calls. I freeze up. He never comes to these things. Ever. The team nods. "Yeah dude...Lay off." Dajan has a confused look on his face, not able to stand the mutiny. I cross my arms and pop a hip. "Problem?" I ask. He walks away. After he leaves, I see Castiel walk toward me. My resolve flushes away and I pick up a ball, intent on ignoring him. "Hey Anna." he says. I glare at the wood. I shoot a basket and rebound it.

"Do you have to ignore me for so long?" he demands. I don't reply. Now he grabs the ball. "You can't keep this up" he bets. 'Watch me' I think and get another ball. We begin a quiet game of knock out. Castiel swings around in front of me. "Talk to me" He dares me. I clench my jaw. Old feelings of affection mixed bitterly with anger and confusion. The epitome of teenage hormones I was.

"Please, just go away. Leave me alone." I say. He looks shocked that I spoke. "But, Anna, I just-" I don't give him a chance to finish. "Go away. I don't want to deal with you. " I offer coldly. He glares into my eyes. "Don't run from your problems." He responds snarkily. "Don't bring them up" I hiss. We don't say anything for a moment. "See you at the game tommorow." He says and leaves as quickly as he came. I turn back to practice. 51, 52, 53...


	21. I'm so sorry

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I'm so sorry for what I've done!

really

unexcuseable.

I'm so sorry it took soo long to do anything, I really am. Im just...

I have such a low opinion on myself right now, I'm hating me for making all of you wait...but!

on the flip side my chapter is almost done.

So there's hope. Im so sorry to every one. TransformerDiva, LefeonLover, all of you guys...

Amber should shove me down some stairs...

forever,

Marilyn Lowell


	22. Again

2 Weeks later

**Analice**

Nathaniel runs up behind me, and wraps his arms around my waist, spinning me around in a full circle. I giggle with bliss. I feel eyes on us. We were this weeks hot topic, a popularly known item. "How's my sunshine doing?" he says into my neck. "Tipsy, but managing" I tell him. He smiles. We were like two little kids, trying to have all the fun possible. At least with both our hectic scheduels.

I can feel Castiel's glare from down the hall way. He doesn't dare confront Nathan on us, but has taken to brodding about the school like the new ghost of blue hall stairs. As if on cue, I look back at him. Our eyes lock for one hot second. Than Nathan brings me back to him. "Hey, don't even think about him. You deserve better" he whispers to me. I just nod. A very small voice I stopped listening to tells me it's a lie, that Castiel was the better. But again I ignore it.

I smile at him and we just look at each other for a quiet beat. It was that quiet second when you just look at your crush and they look back at you but you don't say anything becuase you don't need to. It was a very quiet relationsip, in spite of everyone knowing about it. We didn't ever fight. Ever. For some reason we saw eye to eye on most things, or just let them drop.

"Hey," I say, breaking the silence "Can you come over tonight?". Nathaniel sighs. "I don't know, I've got this stupid paper thing-" I cut him off. "I could help you with it, after school." I voulenteer. He deters this with a shake of his head. "It's confidential." I smile, but on the inside I'm severely bummed. he's always busy when I want to hang out, but when he wants to, I have to clear my plans. It was beginning to get annoying.

"Ok." I say, a very faint edge to my voice. "Let's get to class." We walk down the hall together, Castiels eyes burning like my cigarettes.

* * *

Castiel

I felt sick.

I watch as she just stares at him, like he held the answer to the universe. My pale fists clench on their own accord. I wanted to march over there and rip her from Nate's cold grasp, but that wasn't happening. She'd just scream at me again. I glare until they go around the corner, than I slink away, into the courtyard.

Regret burns in me. It wouldn't let me sleep at night, knowing I'd caused her pain. I couldn't do anything but drown in self pity. I look back through the doors and glare at the sea of students.

I climb up into the tree and sit for a while, thinking of Anna. I was still crazy about her. Her smile, her mismatched eyes. I've locked the piano room, even passing it in the hall kills me. I can still hear her voice flowing over the keys. Maybe it was just me but I saw changes in her. She was quiet, sad. Her eyes were dark and stormy. Doubt filled her posture. Perhaps I was imaging it, too hopeful she'll change her mind and be mine.

Couldn't she see the agony I was in about this, about us? I scowl. No, Nate wouldn't let her even if she wanted to. I knew control when I saw it and I had a feeling she was merely a puppet.

I hear laughter below me and instantly recognize Amber's lackies. They hadn't seen me and were clearly skipping class.

"you know what I heard?" Asked the black haired one, pink lips pursed. "What?" her counterpart questioned. "Anna's getting beaten on my Nathaniel." There's a gasp. "From where?" There's a pause. "Amber...She heard them yelling at each other, than a slap." "Oh my god."

I could hardly contain myself. Could I trust that rumor? Did I have a choice? I jumped down from the tree, startling the girls.

"Afternoon, ladies" I say simply, and go to seek vengeance. Noone, not even me, was allowed to hurt Anna.

Noone


	23. Thoughts

Castiel

My rescue plan was delayed by my logic. This was a rumor. Besides, she wouldn't stand for that. She just wouldn't. I decide to wait till I can catch her after school. Now it was all just a matter of time, mere minutes until the day ended. I lean against a tree and stake out the front doors.

With a shriek the bell rings and kids flood out. Among the sea of kids is the auburn haired Anna, looking lost. i move deftly through the mass and stop in front of her. She looks up and glowers at me.

"What!?" She hisses. I don't say anything, but drag her to the side. She lets me. "What do you want, Castiel?" She throws at me. "The truth." I tell her evenly. "I don't have the time for this." Analice tries to pull away. I block her path. "You can't keep running from me." I warn her.

"The hell I can" and trots off. I decide a shock tactic will work best. "Has Nate been hitting you?" I yell after her. She freezes. "Excuse me?" Anna doesn't turn around. "Has he hit you?" I say slowly.

With a sudden change in her temper, Anna storms over and drags me farther away from the students. "You listen and you listen good. I want nothing to do with you. You lost your chance to care, You don't get to act like you're sorry and you still have feelings for me. We both know what you did. Nathaniel would never do that to me. Ever! You hear me!?" She yells, her voice rising with each word. I feel like I've been dropped in ice water. My tongue is thick as I try to formulate my next words. With a deep breath I know what I have to say.

"Anna, you don't think I'm killing myself over this? You don't think I still care about you? I know that. I know what I did, but if Nathaniel is-"

"Go away" She mutters darkly. I can see her shaking, and want to hold her. On the inside I'm pretty much the same. I don't move, just watch her. "Please, Anna-" Now she screams at me. " I said GO AWAY!" I turn on my heel and run, pretty sure I'd break if I stayed there. How is it she can make me come undone like this?

* * *

Analice

"I said GO AWAY!" I scream. He turns and runs, anguish clear in his eyes. I suck in a breath and release a sob. My whole body starts to violently shake. I cover my face and lean back on a near by tree. I start to really cry, weird dying sobs and sticky tears and that "my lungs are caving in" feeling.

I knew he was sorry, that he meant it. I knew he still cared. But he can't think he'll get off scott free for what he's done. This wasn't Twilight. Nathaniel actually respected me. He cared more than to hit me.

I watch his retreating form dissapear. If I hated him so much why did I wan to run after him? What was wrong with me?

X

I walk into my house vacantly, my mind still spinning over what had transpired. I hear screaming from upstairs. Mom and Sarah were locked in a heated argument. Kyle runs by, stark naked. His little sister follows, equally as clothed. I pick up the small girl and hug her like a teddy bear.

"Anna!" she says happily. "Hey, you." I say, my voice watery. "Why are you...naked?" I ask. "Kyle and I are playing indians." She tells me matter of factly. I sigh and with a weak smile carry her upstairs. I can hear the argument now.

"Why the hell not mom? Everyone does it!" Sarah screams. "Not in this house, young lady." Mom roars back. "Don't be such a bitch!" Sarah yells. I block Clara's ears. I walk into her room and set about getting her clothed.

"Why are they fighting?" She asks. I shrug. "Not sure, honey." I respond my mind distant. I pull a pink tshirt over her stripped leggings and send her back down stairs. She didn't appear to mind. I go into my room and slam the door. Sarah and Mom pause. I curl up on my bed and stare at celeing. I couldn't help but think about what Castiel had said. Where had he heard that lie? Had he stooped so low he was actually listening to gossip now? I eventually fall asleep, my thoughts to confusing to follow. All except one, of course.

I was still crazy for him.


	24. Eyes

**Castiel**

Have you ever watched someone fall apart in front of your eyes? It burns. It makes you sick. It makes you angry. There is nothing you can do and you tear yourself apart over it.

I was watching Anna fall apart.

Yeah it sounds melodramatic. But here I was watching the single most beautiful person in my world crumble. You could see it in her eyes. The once Brightly light two toned eyes were now dark, suspicious. They were always cast over her shoulder. Yeah, she could fake life into them but I saw right through that gleam.

She became paranoid. Her conversations with anyone were short and bitter. When she was with Nathan she was even worse. Her hands would be pulling at something, she was fidgeting. Clearly, Anna just wanted to get away. She would snap at everyone.

Anna began to slouch too, her skin turned pale, sick. Shadows haunted at normally bright corners of her. That long chestnut hair was now thin and dry. It was painful to watch her slink down the hall, anger and fear in her movements.

Today I lean in full view of her locker and the front hall. Right on time she comes slinking in, hands white knuckle tight on her backpack straps. Her hair was pulled back in a messy bun. A baggy sweatshirt hung loosely on her frail frame. She was like a ghost. loose jeans hid her long legs. She doesn't look up from her sneakers, but I can see the dark rings under her eyes.

Nathan shows up at her side and kisses her cheek. She looks at him and a thin painful smile shows. It was like a knife in my heart. Nathan begins talking animatedly about something but I know that she's not listening. She's looking right at me. I stare into her eyes and try to make her see what I saw. She looks pointedly at the ground.

Nathan grabs her shoulder and pulls her to face him. I straighten up and clench my fists. He's clearly yelling at her about something but all I can hear from here was a strung out blur. She leans away from him, alarm in her eyes. Anna lowers her head and nods at what hes saying. It was a form of submission, that was clear. Nathan puts on a smug grin. I shake my head and begin to stride forward. Anna snaps her head up and gives one decisive shake.

I begin to take another step forward but pause.

What was I doing? She didn't even want to talk to me and now she's regarding my existence. If I messed that up...well I'd be back at square one. I step back and content myself to watching. I was gonna save her from him, that was sure. She would finally be free.

* * *

**Analice**

Have you ever been stuck in a hole? A deep hole in the middle of a storm, so all you can do is sink into a corner and freeze?

I was.

I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. I could only think. I felt broken...like I was falling apart but wasn't at the same time. Nathan had me on edge, fickle and cold one second, loving the next.

I climb out of the mini bus and bid my aunt goodbye. She offers me a gentle smile, like I was a glass doll. I try to smile back, but I can't, my mind was already swallowed in the anxiety of seeing him today. Not Nathan...Castiel. I duck my head down, not daring to look at anyone too closely or let them look at me. I grip my backpack and suck in a few deep breaths. I close my eyes and count to four.

Suddenly I see a movie play behind my eyes, like a psychedelic vision. Spinning colors, laughter and screams. There's colors on the floor, I'm cowering in them. I see long hair and beautiful clothes. Ripped paper floats in tinted pink water. A piece floats past me. In cursive it reads "I love M-"

I jerk my head forward. The colors are gone. Maybe sleep wouldn't hurt.

I pull myself up the stairs to the same pristen white hallway. I hear conversations around me, peppered with whispers. They're talking about me, I know it. My heart begins to pound.

Out of nowhere comes Nathaniel. He smiles at me. There's pity in his eyes. "Hey, beautiful." he says and kisses my cheek. His lips are warm. I smile at him in response.

"So I'm finally free on Wednesday if you wanted to hang out. We haven't done that in a while. Also The National Honor Society is throwing this banquet thing Sunday-" I tune him out and just keep pace. He's in the hall. I can feel his eyes. They were like a zippo lighter held too close to my skin, burning into my bones. I slowly look up from my flimsy sneakers and lock eyes. There's a quiet kind of suffering in Castiel's gray eyes. A suffering that screams to be consoled. I think back to all those afternoons spent on the stairs and actually let myself feel happy about them. A whisper starts in me.

'Go to him. Dump Nathan right now. Go, let Castiel in again. He will never chain you. He-'

A tight hand spins me around. Those blue eyes are shallow and angry. "Why are you looking at him?" Nathan demands. "What?" I ask quietly. "Why are you looking at that piece of trash? We both know I'm better than him. He hurt you, he hit you. I would never do that." Nathan growls at me. 'No.' I think 'You just lock me up and leave me here.' I stare into his eyes, unsure how to answer. "Aren't I?" He demands. My heart picks up speed again thudding rapidly. "Y-yes" I lie. Nathan was half a man. The rest of him was machien, working only to breath and survive and please. "No more looking at Castiel. He's fine without you." Nathan says. I bow my head and nod, almost in fear. A smug grin gleams on his lips like a kitchen knife.

I look sharply at Castiel knowing he saw the whole thing. With a sharp shake I quell the ready anger in his posture. Don't fight for me, I want to beg him. I'm fine.

I walk with Nathan the rest of the way to my locker than kiss him goodbye. Our relationship was a masquerade. I hated every step, every glistening bead, every false mask I had to tear off to actually breathe. All I can focus on is Castiel's eyes, though he had left also. They were branded into my brain. That look had not pity. It had only sorrow, and a gleam of revenge.

I rip open my locker and get my books out of my backpack. The last thing I could focus on was school. Unfinished homework stares up at me from the bottom of my rucksack. I throw it on the bottom of my locker and get my math textbook. I prayed for school to be quick and painless. All I wanted was to forget all of this.

* * *

**Hey! It's Marilyn. I'm having an amazing time writing this for you guys, I'm sorry for the mistakes, and the unrealistic parts. I just wanted to say thanks for all this like love for my story, and that one six month period of nothingness. As you might notice, my story has been added to a community for MCL. I cried a little over that. This just means alot you know, you wouldn't think it does, but really. It's like my everything. **

**Hit me up with any questions and don't forget to review. **

**forever, Marilyn **

**ps: I'm gonna get to the climax soon, so beware. Hahaha!**


	25. Window

Analice

There's cold silence in my house. Tonight I was curled under the covers trying to just fall asleep.

Jacob was home.

I mean, yeah, I should be happy my long lost brother has finally come back, but all he does is fight. He fights me, he fights mom, he fights himself.

Jacob looked like the rest of us, light brown hair, that he's streaked black. Pale skin that's spot free. He always has a dead cigarette hanging from his lips. There's no wonder where I got the habit. A dark leather jacket was always on him, whether over his shoulders or in his arms. It was dad's, so Jacob kept it on him at all times.

Right now Jacob was angry at himself again, for scaring Clara. Clara barely remembers him, so to her he's a stranger. Kyle doesn't remember him either. Sarah only remembers the yelling. The animosity was practically tangible. The metallic ringing of Jacob's electric guitar could be heard from his old room, where he now resided.

I shut my eyes tighter and listen to myself breathe. It was weird how I can do that, when I don't even feel alive like I used to be. My thoughts were like an ocean. Most prominent was him. Castiel. I could see his face, hear his voice. I swore I could even smell him. I gritted my teeth and tried to replace his face with Nate's, a golden shiny smile. However all I saw was his cold blue eyes.

Breathe in

Breathe out

There's a tap at my window. I glance up, confused, as another gray blur strikes the pane again. I crawl over to the window and look down.

In what appeared to be some kind of uniform for a restaurant is Castiel. He threw back his arm and let another pebble fly. I set my jaw and shoved open the window. "What the hell are you doing?" I call down. Castiel shrugs and gestures me down. I shake my head. "You're crazy." I tell him. "I know, just come down here, I have to tell you something." From up here I could hardly see him in the darkness, but the sincerity in his voice drives me from my room.

I sneak down the stairs. Mom is asleep in the living room, half folded laundry still crumpled before her. She's been tired recently, and worry for her plagued me. I go through the dining room to the kitchen and guide the heavy back door open. In the dimming twilight is Castiel, almost awkward in his uniform. I pause at the edge of my porch. He looks at me, and we just stare each other down.

Something in me snaps and I'm running forward, unable to stop. He holds his arms open and I run into his embrace. I sink my head into his chest. He smells like books, cologne and boy. His arms are warm around me, and feel so good I want to start crying.

"I'm so sorry." He whispers. "I know. I've known for a while." I tell him. He clutches me to him like I was the last thing on earth. "I tried so hard to not miss you." I go on. "I wanted to forget you, I wanted to leave you behind, but I couldn't. God knows I just couldn't." I take a deep breath.

Castiel looks down at me. he doesn't have to say anything. I know what he's thinking. "Yes." I say softly. "He hit me, but I'm scared. How could I be that unlucky? He threatened me. Said he could make my life hell. I don't doubt it, he's pretty much done it anyway..." I feel tears start to slip, but I don't care. "Help me." I beg him.

Castiel holds me tighter and just nods. He begins to talk now and I let him. "I didn't mean to do it. I didn't mean to hurt you. I don't deserve to be here, to be holding you, I know. I won't even think of validating what I did to you. Just please, take me back. watching you with him kills me. You're falling apart and I'm dying with you. Please, take me back..." I'm shocked by his voice. Tears are in his eyes. Do I mean that much to him?

"I love you." He whispers.

I freeze. On its own accord my hand reaches up and brushes a tear from his black eyelashes. It cups his chin and brings him toward me. Our lips meet. This kiss meant so much more than us. It was more than everything before us. It meant love. It meant redemption for both of us.

"I know. I love you too" I tell him back.


	26. Masochist

Castiel

and so I had won her back.

But there was still him to deal with. I had to make sure she didnt get hurt in the repercussions. There was only one way to do this. Man to man.

we were gonna fight. He was gonna pay for breaking her.

I stand outside the student council room, watching the bastard in question as he moved closer to the door, feilding questions from the principle. I watched with growing anticipation as he turned the handle and I sink behind the corner.

"Yeah, I'll get it done, don't worry. You have a good weekend, now." His voice made me sick. He was a snake. Nate rounds the corner and I step out behind him. Nate had the audacity to even whistle.

"Nathaniel." I say. He turns. "Ah, Castiel. How are you?" He asks, a cheap smile on his face. I clench my fist. "Did you get that absentee note signed?" I shake my head. Nate tisks at me and my stomach lurches. God he made me sick. he turns and continues on. "Analice." I call after him. He stops cold.

"Really, Castiel." He says, his tone cold and poisonous. "You must talk with more than one syllable." I grit my teeth. "talk with more than one syllable. Alright. How about two, you bastard. Fight me."

Nate's shoulders tense. He turns and I can see the hate in his eyes. "You can't be serious? Fight you? Over what?" I don't have a chance to say anything before it hits him.

"Anna." He says simply. "Don't you dare call her Anna!" I shout at him, anger shaking me like iron hands. Nate gives a harsh laugh. "You want to fight me for her? She's a train wreck, not to mention she won't put out." There's a sinister smirk on his face. "That's why you threatened her? That's why you hit her? Cause she wouldn't put out?" I ask, the wind very nearly knocked out of me. Nate shrugs. "Duh." He responds.

With a furious yell, I launch myself at him. I can only see white and red, My fists connecting with him. It felt so powerful. It felt scary. It felt right. I don't even feel him hurting me. I was suspended above myself, I'm unstoppable. There's a harsh scream and clammy hands pulling me off him. I'm back inside myself. I look into the face of the person pulling me off and see scared eyes, but I can't remember who they belong to. I push the person away and turn back to Nate. Nate is curled on the floor, bruises forming, blood pooling from his mouth and cuts along his cheeks. An animal need overcomes like a cloud. He needs to die. As I'm about to continue, harsh metal clamps around my wrists. I'm startled and turn around.

My world falls into place. Two police officers are restraining me against the world, I hear crying. Those eyes. Anna's eyes. I struggle to look up, but the officers don't let up. I give up and lay limp.

what had I done?

* * *

Analice

I walk shaking through the gray stone hallway. Officers stand erect at every corner. I round the corner. In the holding cell is Castiel, He's completely alone. I see real fear in his eyes.

"Castiel." I whisper. He looks up and bursts to his feet, at the bars in a matter of seconds.

"Anna, I'm so sorry." he begs. I can't look at him. I stare at the ground. "How is he?" he asks. "What?" The question blindsides me. "How is Nate? Did I hurt him too badly?" He says. "No, he's fine. A few loose teeth, most of the damage is cosmetic." I reply. "You're only here for the night, they said." He nods.

"You shouldn't have seen me like that." He says. I feel cold. "You shouldn't have done that. I gave you my trust for a day and you go and hurt him." I whisper. "You scared the crap out of me. I thought you were gonna kill him." I lean heavily on the wall behind me.

"He hurt you, Anna, I couldn't just let him-" I cut him off by shouting "YOU HURT ME TOO! ARE YOU SOMEHOW BETTER THAN HIM?" I pull myself up. "You hurt me too. So don't go around like you are above him. I fell in love with you, but you keep making me feel like it was a mistake to take you back. Just stop it. I'm exhausted." I run a hand over my face.

"Dammit!" He roars. I jump. He sags on his bars, the fight gone from him. I move forward and take his hands. His knuckles are red and scratched. I don't feel anything. "I need to protect you, I'd burn the world down if I had too." He whispers.

"Not everything is a fight." I return. "For me, it is. I'm just a masochist like that" I kiss his hands. "Stop fighting everything." I tell him. "You'll kill yourself that way. Trust me, I know." He nods. I turn and glance up at the clock. it was 7 already! I kiss his fore head, than his lips.

"I'll always love you" I promise. "I know that. Even if it's bad for me." He picks his head up. "I love you, too."

I turn and drop his hand. "I'll see you later, Castiel." I smile. He nods.

I walk down the hall to the door. Suddenly I see another vision behind my eyes.

The room is dark, hot breath burns my neck as I stuggle weakly. "Please," a young voice says. "Stop." the person doesn't. A sharp pain swallows me and I scream.

I jerk out of my head. I shudder coldly. He didn't exist anymore. Forget him. I pick myself up and keep walking.

I hide my tears and go outside.


	27. Something I didn't say part one

**Analice**

**Sunday**

so life was getting better.

I was sleeping at night. Jacob left last week to go wandering again. I don't think we'll see him for another six years. That's usually how this works. I've taken back the brunt of household responsibility, which helped. With all I've been doing for my siblings I don't have to think.

And thinking is all I've been doing during my free time. Nathaniel hasn't come back to school, so I haven't had to face him. But I know full well I will have to. Tomorrow was monday, which always loomed with the possibility of Nate. As I cart 50 pounds of kid clothes down the basement stairs I'm reminded of the stairs Amber pushed me down and I'm winded thinking of Castiel's eyes that day. They looked like...god, storm clouds or something. Ready to burst into rage, but not quite there. I can still feel Nate's arms around me that day. I can only shudder and move quickly down the stairs. How did it all change? I escape one place to be destroyed in another. I have the best luck, don't I?

When I reach the bottom I can barely stand straight. My lungs were compressed again. I think of him...the one I ran from. Chills wind slowly threw my body, making me feel sick and empty, perpetually cold. I land heavily on the stairs and wrap my arms around my chest. Could I even deal with all of this? No, I couldn't but that wasn't my choice. His voice echos in my ears, evil laughter, sick promises I once believed. I shut my eyes and see him far off in the darkness.

Daniel

I sit there for awhile, I guess, until Sarah eventually found me, tear streaks down my face and curled into a ball. She approaches cautiously and kneels next to me. She asks me a simple question, the hardest one to answer.

"Analice, are you ok?" her voice is soft and fragile and I'm shocked by her strength. How often has she seen me like this? Too many. And yet she still holds my hand and talks away the thoughts. My little sister. She is so brave and I hate myself for not being able to control myself.

I stare into her gray eyes. It's all I can do to not burst into more tears. "Yeah. I just take a good cry in the basement every now and again." I joke sarcastically but we can both hear the residual terror he always left with me. For my sake, Sarah laughs.

"It's almost six," Sarah reminds me "We should work on dinner." I smile and nod. "I'll be right up" I promise. My ballerina leaves up the stairs.

Monday

Right

* * *

** Castiel**

**Monday**

The officer opens the door and offers me a point blank stare. I smirk and salute at him confidently as I meander from the cell. "It's been fun" I say as I mockingly bow. The officer says nothing. I shrug. "I trust I won't be seeing you. Stay out of trouble" I nod. He again says nothing. Some people were hard to please.

I have to keep myself from running down the hall to the door after I signed myself out. These people fed of that happiness. I go the glass doors and look outside. As usual my thoughts were on one thing and one thing only.

Analice

Quickly I burst out into the sunshine and nearly knock down a man in my path. If he could be called a man. In the sunlight his skin looks almost green. He smiles crookedly and sweeps black hair from his blue eyes.

I look down to my feet and see a picture of a girl bearing a strong resemblance to Anna. Probably my overactive imagination. I hand it back to him with a mummbled "Sorry"

"No issue, mate." he says and nods. I smile in passing and move on, eager to find Anna. Quickly I check my phone. I have 20 minutes before school. Reality breaks into my liberation euphoria. Bullet! I turn and dart up the hill. The police station wasn't far from my house and on foot I make it in 10 minutes. I stumble up my path and throw open the door. Bullet promptly storms down the hall to knock me backward and clean my face. All I can do is play with him out of pure happiness before I go to feed him.

Yet as I enter the stone cold altar to pretension (aka my kitchen) something stops me dead. On the island, innocuous as a scorpion is a familiar leather suitcase. I turn on my heel and call out something I haven't in a while.

"Dad?"

My voice reverberates to me. There's only silence now. I pour bullets food and leave a note saying something stupid like "Are you back?" I had better places to be. This gives me pause. School, a better place to be? What on earth had Analice done to me!? With a laugh I leave my house.

Analice...

* * *

** Analice**

I woke up to sun in my eyes.

Monday

I take deep breaths but can't bring myself to move. I lay in bed watching minutes sink away. Two sides warred in me. I had to be a big girl and face Nate. But part of me was content to sit in bed and be a coward. My door creaks open and mom pokes her head in. "Analice, You're going to be late" She reminds me. "Is something wrong?" I sigh. Mom always assumes the worst.

"No, Nothing's wrong. I'm fine, I'll be right down." I smile. Decision made for me I guess. With a subdued sigh I climb from my safe haven and make my way to my dresser. Blankly I look over my clothes. Falseness and pretension emminate from them and I wonder why I tried every morning. I struggle into a pair of jeans and pull on a painfully lose T-shirt, feeling awkward and long.

Sarah pokes her head in now. I turn to face her. My sisters usual sarcastic scowl was gone. Concern burned in her brown eyes. I offer her a cheap smile and push past her.

"Hey" She calls after me. I turn and arch an eyebrow. She opens her mouth to say something but stops. She smirks at me and instead says "I remembered the game." An involuntary laugh comes from me and we're both shocked into silence. I realize how long it's been since I laughed.

I bounce down the stairs in a better mood. Mom left me a note, saying she had to leave immediately and sorry but could I make sure Kyle and Clara were up and fed. I sigh when from behind me Sarah speaks again.

"I can do it." I spin. Sarah is leaning on a wall, arms crossed. "What?" I ask in disbelief. "I can get them ready for you. I've seen you do it hundreds of times. I mean, it can't be hard." She mutters and throws her long hair over her shoulder. "You'd do that!? Thank you!" I beam at her. I pick up my bag and make for the door but turn last second. I run and wrap her in a hug and lift her from the ground. "I love you" I promise her.

"I know." Sarah whispers and I'm suprised to hear her voice catch. "Now go to school!" She reprimands me. I laugh and go out the door to my mini bus.

There's more thinking on the drive to school. Am I ready? Nate's face gleams in my head, but I don't wince this time. Maybe I did have this. Confidence swelled in me.

God, was I so wrong


	28. Something I didn't say part one and half

**?**

I was so close now. I could see the petty high school over the ridge...so this is where she has been hiding?

splendid

I pass my thumb over her picture for the hundredth time. I smile at it, a warm dizzy feeling growing in me.

"Oh Analice, I wasn't done with you when you got away last time." anger storms through my vision but I quell it. "Now I can finally get you back." I laugh and get in my car.

In due time, Daniel, in due time

* * *

**Analice**

I pull over the hill. My high school now stands as a safety zone. Strange from when this used to be my prison. I smile to myself. It all started that day, with my mom's beat up minivan and Ken, who'd long since ditched the school. And within a matter of months I had fallen apart and put myself together. Interesting how life changes all in one year.

I thunder into the student parking lot. As I round the corner I pull into my usual spot. I see a strange car pull in a little way down. Amoris was a small town. You learned every car quickly. I shrug it off and grab my bag. When I go to open the door I'm startled half to death by a figure outside my window. I scream and jump back. upon further inspection I see it's only Castiel, who was now merrily laughing his ass off. I hide my terror with a smile, fighting off the flashback this time. I have no need for the memories.

Castiel opens my door. "Hey there, sunshine." with a smirk he adds "Enjoying the face you so rarely see?" I blush and tap him on the nose. "You scared me, kid." Castiel smiles wide now. I leap out and hug him. He returns the hug almost awkwardly. We part and I pull my bag from my seat. With a rusty slam my car door shuts and we fall in step toward the front door. We don't have to say anything, we just walk. I was almost lost in thought when I feel his hand grip mine. I jump at the sudden contact then calm down. He looks down at me from his six foot tall vantage point and I see a happiness that I can't quite place. I meant something beyond a girlfriend, I think.

metaphors

News had traveled fast about the fight and wary gazes counted our steps through the door. I felt like I was drowning in a fishbowl. Castiels only response was to hold on tighter and tighten his jaw. I felt protected, which was an odd thought considering I was hand in hand with the attacker himself.

A shadow rounds the corner and I stop dead. I knew that body shape. It was burned into my mind. He was walking away from us but I knew totally I was not safe.

"Anna? You ok?" Castiel asks me. I flash a fake smile and continue moving. "Yeah, just thought I saw something. Never mind" He has a confused face on but shrugs.

How did Daniel find me?


	29. One year anniversary

Alright this is another authors note. Sorry, I have the chapter almost complete

For those of you who don't know today is a special day. Ten days and a year ago I uploaded to first chapter of this fanfiction. I can not tell you how great this has been. I know it's kind of silly and I don't have very many people reading this but the ones who do and have stayed with me just, thank you all so much. I live for your comments on my new chapters.

This has been a heck of a year and a heck of a project. I have really learned alot about myself as I built up Analice and her family and story. Analice is loosely based on me and how I wish I could react instead of being who I am. I know that's really cliche, but hey, it's my story. I have loved working on this with you all and I've been able to improve building plots and developing characters. Watching how Anna's story has played out is awing for me that I could really do such a thing. This fanfiction has taken my writing to new levels and put story writing into a new perspective for me.

Writing a story takes hard work and dedication. If you are devoted then your readers will be as well. I know I have let alot of you down with my infrequent updates and as I always I plan to add more but I think since school is over I will have more time. I am just so grateful for all of my readers wether you started reading an hour ago or a year ago.

Thank you all so much

and because I love you all here's a sneak peek at the next chapter

* * *

**Analice**

I couldn't

I gave up halfway through the day and fled to the counseling office. The taunts grew worse and worse.

"Emo" "Trouble maker" "You'll never amount to anything" "You're suicidal"

I couldn't understand anything. How did these make sense? What did I do!? I was sheltering in the corner, head between my knees, the heel of my hands pressed against my eyes. I also kept seeing Daniel everywhere. Visions startled me. They tore through me violently, leaving me winded. I wanted to crawl out of my skin. My guidance counselor was tied up so I had elected to stay in the office and hide. I couldn't stand it.

A shadow falls over me. I look up. Through the large windows I see him staring at me. My stomach bottoms out and I hold back a scream. Dear god. He was here. Daniel lets a small grin bloom across his twisted mouth. His eyes that I know are brown like the fake wood of a desk crinkle and he arches an eyebrow. I can hear his voice wind through me, bringing crippling pain and fear.

"I will find you"

Those were his last words to me. I scramble back from the window and stare at him, shaking. He waves and moves down the hall, seamlessly blending in.

I try to get to my feet but can't. I get sick in the trash next to the front desk and the secretary lurches to her feet.

why today?

* * *

So as always don't be afraid to comment or even message me. Im on tumblr if you guys social network. just look up poem43

keep your head up and stay beautiful.


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